Tuesday, June 27, 2017

It's Just Hair

Today is the day I cut my hair. I've had this appointment set for well over a month so I've had plenty of time to think about it. I want to cut my hair, certainly I'm ready for a new style. And last night, as I brushed it out after a shower, I definitely wanted it gone! But I'm sentimental and as I've been growing my hair for 3 years, it's hard not to think about all that my hair has been through with me.

2 different schools, 2 different majors, thousands of school and work days, trips to NYC, Chicago, Florida, California and Virginia Beach. Beyond that, the ends of my hair have been with me even longer, I'll bet that I've had those ends since I graduated high school and was at my first college. Hair is just...there with you during everything. It's not like a favorite shirt that might tag along a few days of the month or your backpack that you have during school hours. My hair has been there, day and night through absolutely everything. It really is kind of like cutting off a body part.

I've been "that short girl with long blond hair" for a lot of my life. I'm in a constant state of growing and cutting my hair and since it grows so fast, it's usually long. I like having long hair because in some ways it is easier. Not to brush but to throw up in a nice tidy bun or a long braid. It looks good when I don't even do anything with it because the sheer weight wards off frizz and puffiness. The last few times I've had short hair, I've worn it mainly up because I can't wear it  natural down and I've been too lazy to straighten it. This time around, I'm really going to put some effort into styling it and making it look nice. I'm also getting some long bangs that will make my overall appearance look better when I do put my hair into a ponytail or bun.

I guess you could say I'm excited but I know I'll be sad too. I'll probably cry tonight. Having my hair through everything and then just--not, is hard! I don't like saying goodbye to anything but I've gotten better at it lately. I suppose another difficult aspect of the haircut is that I've basically figured I'll never have my hair this long again, ever. I mean it's really long, down to my waist and I just don't see myself ever taking three more years to grow it out like this again. I want to maintain a style. Plus, long hair isn't very adult and I'm trying to be more of an adult and get taken more seriously. Growing up doesn't mean growing out I guess.

So goodbye to my hair. It is currently 32 inches long (well over half my height!) and I'll be chopping off about 12-14 inches of it. I'm donating it too, for the sixth time. Time for new beginnings.

Monday, June 5, 2017

How Ambition Became My Boyfriend

I'm not (naturally) ambitious. I've written about that a lot on here, contrasting how my best friend Claire has so many big plans and dreams and all I want is to have a litter of kids and wear an apron while making dinner. Yeah that's still true.

But see, I don't have a boyfriend or an prospects so what am I supposed to do until my prayers are answered? Sit around and twiddle my thumbs? No ma'am. I realized that I feel lame and kind of like a loser among my friends who have significant others, even among some of my family. But, if I'm actively working toward a higher goal, I feel like I'm being productive and building my own life, even if it is independent of anyone else for now.

I decided somewhere during this past school year that I'm going to pursue grad school and I'm really excited. It's going to be a lot of work to just get in as I have to prepare an updated resume, write a letter of purpose and have a scholarly paper ready to submit, not to mention taking the GRE! It's a lot BUT, I'm working toward a goal and just having that makes me feel better about being single. For once in my 23 years, I really do feel ambitious and ready to take on hard things.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Summer and So Much To Do

It's taken a long time for it to actually feel like summer here and though today and tomorrow have been a nice glimpse, it doesn't look like the warmth will be here to stay until next weekend.

It was great getting to be out in the sun today though, my mood improves so much when I don't have to worry about being cold! My mom and M and I went to an outdoor art festival and it was just perfect weather for it. I'm excited to work on my tan and get my hair a bit lightened up from the sun before I chop it off in three weeks (!), post to come about that later.

Every day I pray that I'm being productive but I never feel as if I'm doing enough. This summer I have so much to do and it does stress me out. I have books to read and lines to learn for VBS, I'm trying to finish the series I've been writing and learn ASL and work two jobs! It's a lot and for once in my life I often feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I also still want to relax a little bit because this past semester really tried me and I needed this break.

But there are things that I'm really excited about for my future that I promise to write about soon. For now I think I'm going to hit the couch and reward myself for finishing Jane Eyre by wasting time on my ipad :)