Monday, June 5, 2017

How Ambition Became My Boyfriend

I'm not (naturally) ambitious. I've written about that a lot on here, contrasting how my best friend Claire has so many big plans and dreams and all I want is to have a litter of kids and wear an apron while making dinner. Yeah that's still true.

But see, I don't have a boyfriend or an prospects so what am I supposed to do until my prayers are answered? Sit around and twiddle my thumbs? No ma'am. I realized that I feel lame and kind of like a loser among my friends who have significant others, even among some of my family. But, if I'm actively working toward a higher goal, I feel like I'm being productive and building my own life, even if it is independent of anyone else for now.

I decided somewhere during this past school year that I'm going to pursue grad school and I'm really excited. It's going to be a lot of work to just get in as I have to prepare an updated resume, write a letter of purpose and have a scholarly paper ready to submit, not to mention taking the GRE! It's a lot BUT, I'm working toward a goal and just having that makes me feel better about being single. For once in my 23 years, I really do feel ambitious and ready to take on hard things.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Summer and So Much To Do

It's taken a long time for it to actually feel like summer here and though today and tomorrow have been a nice glimpse, it doesn't look like the warmth will be here to stay until next weekend.

It was great getting to be out in the sun today though, my mood improves so much when I don't have to worry about being cold! My mom and M and I went to an outdoor art festival and it was just perfect weather for it. I'm excited to work on my tan and get my hair a bit lightened up from the sun before I chop it off in three weeks (!), post to come about that later.

Every day I pray that I'm being productive but I never feel as if I'm doing enough. This summer I have so much to do and it does stress me out. I have books to read and lines to learn for VBS, I'm trying to finish the series I've been writing and learn ASL and work two jobs! It's a lot and for once in my life I often feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I also still want to relax a little bit because this past semester really tried me and I needed this break.

But there are things that I'm really excited about for my future that I promise to write about soon. For now I think I'm going to hit the couch and reward myself for finishing Jane Eyre by wasting time on my ipad :)