Friday, August 5, 2016

5 Years

Wow! I started this blog five years ago, with my first post being mainly about my favorite book of all time. In a way, I feel like that moment, as I wrote that post at the dining room table with my still fairly new laptop, could e just five minutes ago. Or five days, five months.

But in other ways it feels like even more than five years. I'm realizing that I'm starting to feel old. Not old like elderly, but just old like I've living through a lot of different stages. Elementary schools feels like a lifetime ago, sometimes even middle school too. There are moments when I stop and think of a memory and go, was that really me? Did that really happen in my lifetime? It's weird, and maybe I'm the only one that feels that way. I guess I just used to feel so close to every moment and memory in my life, no matter how long ago it happened. Now, as I age, things are different. I still have an incredible memory with many vivid moments but they just feel like they happened in a distant time and place.

When I started this blog, I wanted to "post daily" ha! And I think I imagined it as more of a place to both daily log and weight in on certain subjects. I think I still do both of those things but now i mostly just write for myself. Like, I'm not trying to be funny of appealing to anyone else. Because let's be real, nobody really reads this! And if you are, thanks for sticking around. This blog is a journal of my life and I keep it up because I absolutely love having my thoughts during different seasons of life being preserved.

I think I started this blog at just the right time. If I'd been writing throughout high school, I know it would have been whiny and full of angst. Also fun to read...but still. Writing from my senior year, to my first two years living away from home, to coming back home, to switching majors and now schools again, it's just seen me through a lot. And it's been a constant. So much has changed but so much has stayed the same.

I'm still very much like the seventeen year old writing on her new laptop at the dining room table during the last vestiges of summer. She is not a distant memory. I imagine that five years from now, she might be. I have no idea where I'll be at age 27. I couldn't have predicted what I'd be doing at age 22 back then. If I had, I would have been wrong. I'm learning to just go with the flow of life. Trying to be content in every season. It isn't easy for someone who used to have their future rigidly planned, bu it is the only way to avoid being let down and disappointed. I have goals and aspirations but I'm taking them step by step and my only expectation is to try my best.

I'm still figuring things out, but I'd like to think that I'm both older and wiser than when I first started writing here. And this blog has seen me through it all. For that, I am thankful.

Here's to five more years!

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