I have a lot of fears and I'm not sue where they came from. I had a really secure, loving childhood and no bad experience that I can think of that would make me nervous about so many things. Lately, it's come up a few times how myself and my sister never got involved in risky behavior like partying, drinking, promiscuity etc. And if I'm being really real here, I have to say that a big reason I stayed away from that stuff is because of my fears, not my own morality.
I'm afraid of getting drunk because I don't want to get sick. I'm afraid of wild parties because I don't want to be taken advantage of. There have been a lot of times in my life where I had wanted to do things that aren't right but it was straight up fear that held me back, fear and not much else. That's really hard to admit because I am a Christian and I do have a moral compass. Sometimes, the power to go with the crowd and with my own earthly desires would simply be stronger than that compass. But, fear held me back.
So, are my fears my strength? Did God give me so many fears because He knew that they would stop me from getting into trouble? I've wrestled with that idea for a long time. I don't know if it's correct because we are called not to fear, and not to be anxious in anything. BUT, we also know that God uses everything for good if we have faith in Him. Does this mean that my fears, sinful as they may be, were indeed used for good? Maybe, on the same token, did my phobia of being kidnapped as a child and the precautions I enacted stop something bad from happening? I don't know.
What I do know is that I'm working on examining my motives more, and getting to the real root of why I do or don't do things. The goal is that I do the right thing because it's what God expects from me, not because I'm acting out of fear.
Just food for thought on this Wednesday morning!