Yesterday I went to a party at my mom's best friend's house. My mom has three girls, she has three boys. They are all incredibly attractive, one of them, insanely so.
Every time I'm around them or other people who I think are quite blessed in the looks department, I start to wonder how I measure up. I don't think I'm ugly but I also don't think that people go home after hanging out with me and marvel at my beauty.
There are those girls with perfect hair, perfect makeup and perfect clothes. I'm not one of them. My hair will never be pin straight or without a hint of frizz. My skin, though much improved, is not completely clear and without imperfection. I'm short, I don't have a desired hour glass figure. I don't have patience or desire to cover myself in makeup other than cover up because, yeah the skin issues. And honestly, I feel like I could really go out of my way to try and look like those "perfect girls" and still not achieve that look. It's just not me.
And then I get to thinking, if there are so many prettier, more put together girls than me, why would a guy ever chose me as a girlfriend or wife? I struggle a lot with that insecurity. I really don't see why anyone would desire to be with me because well, there are a lot of more attractive options. I know this is a terrible thing to say or think. I've been told I'm being insecure and ridiculous. And I know it's not all about looks. But hey, they are the first thing someone notices, right?
I do console myself with the fact that pretty people aren't the only ones who get married. I know that you don't have to be a super model to be datable but I guess i still have this issue where I feel like no one would ever want to be with me over someone else.
I do pray about it but mostly I just pray that someone would love me, that I'm ready for that commitment. Perhaps I should start with my own issues and then work my way up. Maybe I need to fix my self image before I worry about my image to others. But gosh, don't they go hand in hand? Isn't self image, let's be honest, heavily based on what others think of you? But I guess it doesn't have to be.
My self image, as a Christian, should be based on what God thinks of me. Frankly, I know he doesn't give much care to what I look like but that he wouldn't want me putting myself down because I am created by Him. It must be insulting for God to have all of these humans hating the way they look and thinking that other people are more beautiful. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made, we are all beautiful in His eyes.
I should focus on that, and let the rest fall into place.