Friday, May 8, 2015

9 Years

Today is the 9th (!!!) anniversary of my back surgery that I had for scoliosis. I was 12 years old and had no idea how life changing it would be. I've wrote a good deal about this subject (click the tag at the bottom for older posts) so I decided to use it as my second nonfiction workshop piece. I was a little rushed when I wrote it and I pretty much knew what the critiques would be before I got to class. They wanted more elaboration, more personal feelings, less choppy short sentences, a bigger epiphany, more scene.

We had to revise one of our two pieces for our final assignment. I'd been given a lot more to improve on with my scoliosis one but I found that I could not change the way I had written it. I could not manage to add more of my inner thoughts or explain the shift in outlook. And about the clipped, short, to the point sentences, my professor had said, "Perhaps the author writes it this way because it is took hard to delve much past the surface." Maybe he's right.

I've thought about the surgery so much, revisited many memories pertaining to it and as I said before, wrote about it. But, as you can see for yourself in my detailed account, I can't seem to really dig deep to an extremely personal level. My reflections are mostly factual, chronological with blips of memory and detail.

But the truth is, there were a lot of feelings involved. A lot of hurt and anger toward my parents, toward doctors and even toward myself. I can state that well enough but it is very difficult for me to really explain how these feelings developed and eventually went away over time.

I think right now, my story is just my story. I cannot yet write it to the point where it will make a good read for others, where it won't leave people wondering how I got from resenting my mom to having her be one of my best friends. How I went from being depressed to back on track. How I once hated doctors but now love them. Maybe at 21 years old, I still need more processing time. Maybe I will never understand a lot of my experience. For now, I like that I have my account of the events down in print. It's important for me that I don't forget. Perhaps one day my story will be in a magazine or on yahoo. Or maybe it will just l live forever on my little blog :)

9 years have passed and I've learned a lot, but I'm still learning! One thing I know for sure, I AM titanium!

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