Friday, April 10, 2015

I'm Not Ambitious and That's Ok

On Easter, my cousin Kate and I were discussing how neither of us really got stressed about school. I explained to her that my laise fare attitude is primarily due to the fact that I'm just not an ambitious person. Of course, I've been driven to achieve certain goals in my life but I don't have these big dreams that I feel compelled to accomplish. I'm not Claire, who has big and beautiful dreams to set design in Disneyland or Cirque de Sole. I'm not M, who has wanted to be a teacher her whole life and wants a solid career before anything else. I just...don't really care about any of that stuff.

What I really want, what I really desire, I cannot achieve through A's in school or recommendation letters.  l could be the valedictorian of Harvard or win the Nobel Peace Prize and still not be fulfilled. I know I've wrote about it to death but here it is again: all I really want is to be a wife and mother. That's it. Period, the end. Sure, I'd love to write for as long as I live and maybe even publish a book but I can't see that being the be all end all.

So maybe I am ambitious, if not in a big way. I have goals and dreams and hopes, they just aren't big and exciting (to me they are though). I used to pretend that I wanted to be this or that instead of telling people my true desire, but now I just go right out and say it because, why not?


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