Friday, November 7, 2014

Feeling Lost and Found

That's how I've been feeling lately. There are points when it seems like I'm really happy with everything and content with my life. Other times I am impatient and anxious for my life to "begin". I know I need to be in school and I know I need to live at home right now. That doesn't change the fact that I wish otherwise sometimes. I see people I know getting married, heck I see people on TV getting married and I'm envious. I've said it numerous times on here before, I'm not a career driven person. I have always been driven by my dream of being a wife and mother. Some think that's lame or settling or a "waste" but I feel the opposite.

At times I console myself and think, "Ok, how hard can it be to find someone who loves me?" other times I think, "No one is ever going to want me!" It's such a hard thing because I personally cannot do anything unless someone else takes an interest. I hate feeling out of control. I hate to feel lame because I've never even had a boyfriend. Ugh, just seeing it types makes me sad.

Through it all, I know that this is a time to be patient and trusting in God. It's not easy but I know that everything will happen in His time. We talked about this in Bible study last week that God isn't a cruel mastermind who takes pleasure in tricking us or stringing us along. I'm not in this situation for no reason. I know that God knows my desires and dreams and that He will answer my prayers when the time is right.

It's just hard sometimes. That's all.

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