That's how I've been feeling lately. There are points when it seems like I'm really happy with everything and content with my life. Other times I am impatient and anxious for my life to "begin". I know I need to be in school and I know I need to live at home right now. That doesn't change the fact that I wish otherwise sometimes. I see people I know getting married, heck I see people on TV getting married and I'm envious. I've said it numerous times on here before, I'm not a career driven person. I have always been driven by my dream of being a wife and mother. Some think that's lame or settling or a "waste" but I feel the opposite.
At times I console myself and think, "Ok, how hard can it be to find someone who loves me?" other times I think, "No one is ever going to want me!" It's such a hard thing because I personally cannot do anything unless someone else takes an interest. I hate feeling out of control. I hate to feel lame because I've never even had a boyfriend. Ugh, just seeing it types makes me sad.
Through it all, I know that this is a time to be patient and trusting in God. It's not easy but I know that everything will happen in His time. We talked about this in Bible study last week that God isn't a cruel mastermind who takes pleasure in tricking us or stringing us along. I'm not in this situation for no reason. I know that God knows my desires and dreams and that He will answer my prayers when the time is right.
It's just hard sometimes. That's all.