Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Blessings Unnoticed, Blessings Unappreciated

I can still remember the headache that started it off. I was in seventh grade and just got home from figure skating. My head had been hurting pretty much all day but it began to intensify. We were out of liquid Motrin and I could not swallow pills so I had to wait for my mom to get home from work with a new bottled. It was agony, I have never been in that much pain before or since and this is coming from someone who had 13 hour back surgery.

What followed this day in 2006 was close to five years of daily/semi daily, headaches, worrying about headaches. I had to start carrying purses so that I would always have liquid Motrin on hand or chewables. When I learned to swallow pills, I made sure to bring a water bottle too in order to swallow. Between having OCD, being in pain and being worried about being in pain, I became extremely obsessive. I compared every headache to that one I had that first day. I thought that if i didn't have a headache by 3 then I would be alright. I carefully calculated the time it would take for Motrin to kick in. I worried constantly and I truly believe that the anxiety gave me about half of the headaches. And because I was taking so much Ibueprofen, I was also getting "rebound headaches". Mix those with regular headaches, I was hurting a lot of the time.

When I was in ninth grade, things came to a head. I was getting sick and tired of the pain. I wrote desperate poems and begged my parents to do something. So I went to a specialist, I had an MRI. Eventually I ended up on nightly medication to try and keep the headaches away. In all honesty, I don't think it worked the vast majority of the time. Sometimes I would go on a kick of no headaches, other times I would have to take ibuprofen twice a day.

I took the medication for over a year, maybe two and decided to stop. I still got headaches on and off, though they got a lot better during Junior and Senior. Somewhere along the line, they went away. Not exactly entirely, I still get them here and there but not as severe and nowhere near as often. The constant worry and internal struggle was gone.

I didn't think that much of the headaches mellowing out, I was happy of course but sort of took it matter of factly. Recently, I started thinking about how horrible that time was and how easy it is to forget once things are better. How easy it is to think, "Hmm, that's nice." instead of "Thank you God for taking away the greatest struggle of my life so far. I do not deserve your grace and mercy but I love you so much."

Blessings unnoticed are blessings unappreciated.

God does not have to heal us, he does not to keep us from all harm. Some people will live in constant pain for the rest of their lives. I am so grateful that God not only carried me through these struggles, but took them from me.

Job 6:10 This would be my comfort; I would even exult in pain unsparing, for I have not denied the words of the Holy One.


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