Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I WILL Feel Better Tomorrow

Last night was awful. Awful. I was SO happy that my sore throat dulled down but then the congestion got worse and I barely slept at all. I was so hot and miserable. Today started out really bad too but I took a shower and felt better but then felt sort of bad again. It's a roller coaster. I'm just concerned because the inside of my nose is so dry and chapped from using tissues that it hurts to breath and I know that will irritate me tonight.

So I'm putting mind over matter and am willing myself to feel better tomorrow and even more importantly for this weekend, I have so much fun planned. Really though, I know I've said it tons before but I'll say it again. I HATE COLDS SO FREAKING MUCH. It's like torture to me. I already over analyze how I'm feeling on a daily basis but with a cold it's like everything just feels so annoying. Colds annoy me. I hate having a stuffy nose, I hate that smell that you have in your nose when you have congestion and I hate watering eyes and not being able to sleep. Yes, I'm a whiny baby right now and there are SO MANY WORSE THINGS. So I'll shut up.

Here's to hoping I feel better tomorrow.

Monday, February 24, 2014


I feel too horrible to come up with a creative title. What started out as a cold has now turned into some sort of sore throat nightmare. I really never get sore throats, at least not bad ones but right now I am literally spitting into a garbage can instead of swallowing my spit. It hurts so much!

I feel so blue and sad because I hate being sick-especially here at school where no one really cares about me. I miss my mom :(. I am hoping and praying that I feel better tomorrow, like a LOT better because this is absolutely no fun. Even though I despise colds, I am able to deal with them, a throat so sore I can't even swallow?? Yeah I'm a baby about things like that. I just hope I can sleep tonight.


Monday, February 17, 2014

Whats on my Heart

There has been quite a few deaths as of 2014, no one that I was very close to but certainly people that will be missed by many, myself included. Saturday we had movie night with my favorite aunt and uncle, just as we were finishing dinner the phone rang. It was my moms best friend calling to say that her mother had passed away from the cancer she'd been battling. My mom was heartbroken for her friend and also for herself as she was like a second mother to her. E said later on how sad she would be if her best friends mom died and then I realized that I knew almost exactly how my mom felt, because, to a somewhat lesser extent, I'd experienced it myselr..

In 3rd grade a new girl, S, moved right across from my cousins and she was in my class at school. Her dad passed away almost right after she moved and soon after we became best friends. From that point to 6th grade we were very close. One year I came to her house every Monday while my mom was working, we played sports together, hung out whenever I was at my cousins and went to camp together. Naturally, her mom became a big part of my life. She drove us places, took us to the mall or to other events. Even though S and I grew apart during middle school, I would often still see her family because they lived by mine.

In 10th grade, S's mom died. I remember very clearly that I was going to the wake right before going to babysit my favorite family. My dad took me and as soon as we got into the church and I saw the casket, I froze. I could hardly choke out the words that I could not go up there. My dad seemed to understand and went by himself. S moved away that same year and I think about her often. I wonder why God gives some people so much adversity and others, like myself, can float along relatively unscathed by the cruelties of this earth. I don't understand God's plan for everyone but I trust in it with my whole heart.

Death, in any form, is hard. I never cried during movies or books or songs but after my dog was killed in 9th grade I experienced a sort of raw sadness that allowed me to be a lot more emotionally open. It was as if I needed to have that sort of breakout event of grief so that I could understand true sadness. I don't think that's a bad thing, in fact I'm glad I can be more real in that way, I used to keep my emotions in in the worst way and now, even if only in private, I can truly release whatever is inside.

I don't know what the intent of this post was or how exactly I got so off track but I guess what I'm trying to say is that death and sadness is a part of life. That I am understanding that someday I will not be so lucky as to only have had a few deep experiences with it. Time goes by and things can change in an instant. Literally, an second is all it takes. So more than every I am appreciating each day, each loved one and each minute here on earth. All the while knowing that God promises the best is yet to come.


Thursday, February 13, 2014

Love Day

I don't think I'll be posting tomorrow so I'm going to do a little Valentine or LOVE day (as I like to call it) post.

I like to think of Valentines day not just as a day for romantic LOVE but for LOVE in general. With that in mind I enjoy celebrating with my family and friends. And I LOVE to make cards so here are the ones I made for my family this year:
Clockwise from Top left: my moms card, E's, M's and my dad. The theme this year was song lyrics with the word LOVE in them. I specifically chose E's from Rent because she is obsessed with the musical right now.

And here is the card I sent C:
 And the heart confetti I painstakingly cut and colored. Yep I LOVE her. 
I also bought each family member a box of chocolate buckeyes (yum) and I expect some candy and cards in return :).
Happy (early) LOVE day!!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Obsessive and Compulsive

People who know me, acquaintances, casual friends or even family would never connect these two words to me. I don't appear to be the least bit obsessive or compulsive to the naked eye. However, I have had OCD tendencies since I was 13.

As this is a week of personal posts (without meaning to be), I decided that it was time to write a post about OCD. I've been planning on it for awhile but never quite sure how to put this aspect of my life into words. Here goes.

I would say that my first conscious memories of having OCD were the summer before 9th grade. There were nights when I would literally check my closet for intruders over and over and over again. It was this constant prod inside of me that I couldn't fight. I finally got a handle on that but started counting words (I think this is something I may have done when I was younger though I can't remember a specific age), counting became such a habit that I did it with steps or doors or streetlights. I actually liked it for awhile it was like a game. The counting went away but then in 10th grade we learned about schizophrenia in health class and I became TERRIFIED of getting it. I would obsess over it and developed a sort of aversion to my bedroom and slept on the couch for three months. I later learned that this fear is actually common of people suffering from OCD.

In 11th grade the hand sanitizing started. I was terrified of getting sick (specifically the stomach flu) though I think it was innocent at first but after awhile I was spraying purell on my face if anything touched it. After I learned that purell was actually ineffective, the handwashing started. I didn't wash my hands after I touched things but before I ate and if I touched anything between the time of washing and eating, I had to wash again (still do). Last year, the counting started up again and it was beginning to interfere with things like watching TV or conversing with someone. I was able to stop that though-hopefully for good.

So currently, I still deal with the hand washing though I don't know if I'll ever completely be able to overcome that. I still check door locks or under my bed a few times too many but not in a way that is debilitating to daily life. I also find myself sometimes feeling the need to reread lines in books or online to make sure I really get the information. There are things I just know I have to do or I'll obsess over them so I just go ahead and get them over with.

When I hear people say, "I'm so OCD!" or "She's OCD about keeping her house clean." I have to shake my head. OCD isn't just liking order or being anal about doing things on time. It's different in a way that I can't really explain. I'm thankful that I have mild OCD that really doesn't get in the way of daily life. It's more of an annoyance than anything. It's always changing with me and I think it has a lot to do with stress.

With God's help, maybe someday I won't be obsessive or compulsive at all. :)

To read any of my other OCD-related posts click on the tag below.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Ache

This post is a little personal but it's important that I document how I'm feeling, my honest feelings because this blog is like my journal.

For the past year or so I have felt a sort of dull ache in my chest. An actual physical ache and I know what it's attributed to. I don't know of a good way to put it other than I'm ready for some type of a romantic relationship. I have never had a boyfriend and I'm almost 20. This sort of embarrass me but at the same time I'm not sure if a high school relationship would have suited me. Here in college though, I sort of expected it to be easy to find a worthy boy. It hasn't happened. I do pray about this, I pray not in a demanding way to God but in more of a "I'm ready for it whenever it's meant to happen." Yet I am inpatient, I see people coupling off all around me and I'm envious.  I want someone who loves me in that way, who thinks I'm pretty and who I can potentially spend the rest of my life with. I want to go out to dinner and see movies with someone who truly wants to be with me. Is it selfish to want those things so desperately? I don't know but I do know that it's human nature. And human nature is not patient.

This is going to sound terrible but I honestly feel like on one would ever want date me or even marry me. I just feel that there are so many people more attractive or more interesting than I am, why would anyone choose me? When I catch myself thinking like this I have to remind myself that God created me and if I am worthy of His love than I can surely be worthy of someone elses.

So I wait and I daydream and hope and pray that maybe this will be my last Valentines day alone.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Fact Friday

  1. I refuse to update my iphone or ipad to iOS 7. 
  2. My arms were above my head during the 13 hours surgery I had at age 12, to this day when I am sitting or laying down I still find it to be a very comfortable position even though I never did before. 
  3. I've been told I have very little ears. 
  4. I have been a collector of The Babysitters Club books for years and know a LOT about the series. 
  5. I never painted my nails before this year but now I do it every week. 
A little late but there they are! I have to leave for work soon and I'm soooooo nervous for some reason. Wish me luck :)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for...

-A good solid nights sleep
-A gluten free muffin and a clementine for breakfast
-Sociology class being let out early
-Getting a test over with
-A delicious lunch of chick-fil-a chicken (even if I did regret it later)
-Quick access to bathrooms
-Finishing a good book
-My mom who is willing to drive and come get me for the weekend
-Fun activities to look forward to on tomorrow

What are you thankful for today??

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Word Wednesday

Writing Prompt: What is your biggest regret?

My biggest regret, in my 19 years of life, is not doing gymnastics. I know I've talked about it some on here but gymnastics is a big part of my life but not necessarily in the way I wish it was.

From the time I was little I wanted to take gymnastics classes, I have always been built like a gymnast and was naturally flexible and daring as a kid. But my dad didn't think it was as safe sport and my mom signed me up so it never came to be. Honestly, I feel it with all my being that I could have been great. I know that's kind of a presumptuous thing to say but I'm being honest. I don't know how my back issues would have fit into all of this. My guess is that it wouldn't have been a picnic and I'm sure because of my fused spine I wouldn't have been able to get that far or compete on an elite level but I guess I can always dream. I imagine myself doing giants or pac-saltos on the uneven bars or tumbling on the floor all the time. It's just one of those unreachable goals and I have accepted that.

So, I watch gymnastics, I read gym blogs and I love it all. In fact starting next month I'm going to be blogging about gymnastics competitions, only the big ones so just a handful of times a year and I'm really excited about it. The blogs will look a LOT different than the ones I wrote during the London Olympics. Those were more of recaps while the upcoming posts will be critiques and reviews. I have a lot more knowledge about the sport now.

Anyway, that's my biggest regret and it's not a bad one, in fact if that remains my biggest regret for the rest of my life I'll consider myself pretty blessed.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Truth Tuesday

Q: Is C the same person as Claire and are you related to her?? I'm confused. 
A: Yes, C is Claire. I've started to ease up on the initial thing. And yes, Claire is my dads first cousins daughter so we are related and I have known her since she was born. However, we didn't become friends until I was 11.

Q: Are you going to transfer to a different college?
A: I'm working on applying to a few schools closer to home so that I can commute and work more. I actually just finished my first application today :).

Q: How is your roommate? 
A: My roommate did not return to the dorms after last semester so I have the room to myself again! Just the way I like it!

Q: Why did your friend L think you were switched at birth?????
A: L did and still does think I was switched at birth because I look nothing like my parents or my sisters. I maintain that I do look like my dad so her argument is invalid and possibly fueled by the TV show.

Q: Whatever happened to your dance classes? They were so funny. 
A: I chose not to take anymore dance classes after Spring semester of 2013 because there really wasn't room in my class schedule and I was getting tired of the whole thing. It was fun for awhile though and certainly provided me with a lot of comedic material.

Q: Is El the same person as E? I'm confused by all the initials. 
A: No, E is my younger sister, El is my cousins daughter who my older sister M nannied for over the summer and still watches occasionally. I know the initial stuff is annoying, even I get annoyed by it but it's the way I want things right now.

Q: I love your book page, what is your favorite book of all time? 
A: Well, I have loved The Outsiders for years and it's actually in my very first post but it's probably a tie between that and Never Let Me Go.


Monday, February 3, 2014

Memory Monday: For Murphy

In February 2005, when I was 12 years old, my first guinea pig Pumpkin died suddenly. Almost right after that I wanted a new one and picked out an adorable brown and white guinea pig who I named Murphy. Murphy was a little special, he was small and had a tiny hole in one of his ears, probably from abuse by other pigs in the pet store, for whatever reason he couldn't squeak like other guinea pigs do. He also walked with his head tilted a little to the side. From the moment we met, I loved Murphy more than any pet or animal I'd every seen before. I held him every single day, I loved to the way his fur felt on my face when I kissed him. I was always afraid his claws would accidentally scratch me so whenever I picked him up I would have a long sleeved shirt on, in the summer I would slip a sweatshirt on over my t-shirt.

My mom also loved Murphy, almost as much as I did. We would pretend that while I was in school, he was being homeschooled by my mom who had just graduated college but hadn't found a job yet. She clearly had a lot of time on her hands because she even typed up Murphy's "Report Card", it was hilarious to read. When I started 6th grade, Murphy was such a great distraction for me because that was not my best period of time. I was getting ready to have major surgery and resented my parents, doctors and pretty much anyone who brought it up. Through it all, Murphy was there. That winter I noticed Murphy was breathing funny so we took him to the vet, it turned out that he had "The Thumps" which is pretty much the guinea pig form of pneumonia and the vet couldn't say if he would recover. Twice a day my mom and I would give him medicine by mouth through a syringe. For a while it seemed like he was getting better, he even started squeaking! Still, he seemed to have a setback and since we had moved his cage into my bedroom, I was up nearly every night worried about him as I listened to his labored breathing. One day I went over to C's house where all our cousins were hanging out and having a sort of Valentine's party. When I got home my mom too me up to my room and told me that Murphy had died while I was gone. I was so upset, I was mad that she had put his body in a box before I could say goodbye and I was mad that I hadn't been there.

The next morning I started to open the box they had put Murphy to see him one last time but my mom talked me out of it saying that it would be better to remember him alive and well. That same day I had an appointment with a Pulmanologist who was super nice but when she asked if I had any pets, I could barely choke out that yes, I had a guinea pig named Murphy but he had just died.

I didn't know what I was going to write about today but last night I started thinking about Murphy and how it's been almost 8 years since he died and I started crying (actually I cried a few times typing this too). I'm so happy that Murphy was put in my life during a time where I really needed a friend. Though I only had him for a year I will never forget him. Ever. That's why I brought a picture of him to put on my bulletin board here (the red eye is from the camera flash), I love you my Murphy.

February 2005-February 2006

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Re-Introducing Week of Fun!

Alrighty, what better to start up during a long winter than start doing Week of Fun again? I changed some of it up a little bit but it's pretty much the same.

Here's the schedule:

Memory Monday (I'll describe a fond memory)
Truth Tuesday (I'll answer any question I've been asked)\
Word Wednesday (I'll do some sort of fun writing prompt)
Thankful Thursday (Speaks for itself)
Fact Friday (I'll give 5 fun facts about myself)
Snapshot Saturday (I'll actually include some sort of picture in my post!)
Scripture Sunday (Speaks for itself)

So I'll be doing this the first week of every month which means it starts tomorrow!!
Happy Superbowl Sunday from someone who won't be watching ;)