Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Sucking it Up

Well, I meant to post sooner but evidently didn't get around to it. I shy away from the blog when I'm struggling with something because a lot of times I don't really want to write about it even though it does help.

Here's the thing, I really don't want to come back here next semester. I want to go somewhere closer to home so I can live there and commute. It's now feasible for me to go somewhere else and I am pretty much done with dorm life. But, it's really a bit too late to transfer for the spring semester so I'm going to have to wait for fall. Moreover, I really don't feel like dealing with all that goes with coming back home in the middle of a school year.

I've already heard whispers here and there from various relatives and acquaintances who clearly disprove of me coming home on weekends. I wish it didn't bother me and I didn't care but it does and I do. Imagine what people would say if I all of a sudden wasn't returning here after Christmas break. I shudder at the thought. I have been planning on transferring in the fall for a while now so the whole, "I can't wait that long" thing was just too last minute. Even though I'm tired of living away from home and so not looking forward to another 6 months of it...I need to suck it up. As hard as its going to be I want to make myself a promise on here that I will have a positive attitude and just get through it with as much ease as I can muster. It's just one of those things that I have to do, for myself but mostly for others. It sucks though because at first I was living on campus to prove something to myself and to challenge all the boundaries I had built. Now though, I've seen that I can do it, I've done fine and accomplished about all I can here but for my parents and for all those naysayers, the show must go on because apparently I haven't proven anything to them.

So I'm going to do it. I'm going to live in a tiny room until May when all I really want to do is be at home. I'm going to navigate a big campus every day when I long for a smaller setting. I'm going to deal with the bum roommate I have now and whoever comes through here in January when I really just want my own space and I'm going to continue to excel in my classes because that's what I'm here to do. I'll get through it and I'll get it done. There are worse things.


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