Tuesday, October 15, 2013

What Could Have Been and What Wouldn't Have Been

Today is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. I know about this primarily because my favorite family had a little boy who passed away just days after being born prematurely. I always remember their baby on this day but I also remember the two babies that my mom lost to miscarriage. One before me and one after me. My mom said that if it hadn't been for these miscarriages she would have probably ended up having four kids. So that theoretically means that I would have had another older sister and a younger sister that wasn't E. How crazy is that? It makes you wonder what kind of people those babies would have grown up to be. Maybe one of them would look like me, the oddball of the family, maybe I would be super close with them like I am with M. You know what I just realized? I wrote older sister and younger sister above...I guess I'm so used to the idea of having sisters I haven't even thought that those babies could have been boys. I' never used to want brothers but lately I totally could see myself with a little brother. It's hard to imagine my family being different than it is. As much as I sometimes wish E would go to boarding school or something, I certainly would never want life without her. It really comes back to Gods plan for our family. We were meant to have 3 girls, if those babies had lived we wouldn't have E and I might be a whole different person. If my favorite family hadn't lost their son they might not have little K. It's such a hard thing to think about, that if you hadn't lost one child you wouldn't have another.

So, today I remember baby M and I remember the two siblings that I will get to meet someday in heaven. That makes me excited for that day!

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