So I turn 19 on Sunday in case you haven't been paying attention to the birthday counter at the bottom of the page, the last year of my teens will begin and then next year I will enter into a whole new decade. I'm glad I'm not 20 yet, that just seems too old.
18 was truly a unique year for me. On one hand, it held the best times of my life. The final days of high school, senior project, prom, senior banquet, graduation and a summer full of parties. But on the other hand, it held anxiety and stress and terror over college. It held homesickness and new challenges. It held triumphs like good grades and facing fears. I will miss 18 because it represented a transition period in my life.
As time goes on I feel myself getting further and further away from high school. In a few weeks it will have been a whole year since I last attended classes there. This makes me sad because those truly were magical times. I had a great group of friends, I loved my teachers and I loved the familiar feeling of the building. I don't want there to be a whole year of distance between then and now. It almost doesn't seem possible, could it really have been a whole year since me and L (Lilly) and I pranced around the building taking pictures with everyone? A year since we wore our senior shirts and black leggings so that we matched? A year since I sat in English, my favorite class with my favorite teacher of all time? It just can't be...but yet it is.
I told my mom the other day that I feel like my best days are behind me. I know this is an incredibly sad and ridiculous thing to hear from the mouth of an 18 year old but sometimes I'm scared it's true. I'm worried that I will never have as great a time that I did when I was in high school and before. I know that God has things planned for me and that there is so much more of my life to live. Assuming I (prayerfully) live to be 100, I am not even 1/5 of the way through my time on this earth. Surely the next 80 years will be filled with great things if I allow them to be. Last year I read a book by John Ramsey called, "The Other Side of Suffering" it was a really great read and one thing that he wrote that really stuck out to me was that you have to live your life as if your best days are still to come. That is a truly profound statement to me because I know that if I have this negative view about the future I am cheating myself out of happiness.
What do I wish for in my 19th year? I wish for a continued strengthening of my relationship with God, I wish for more friends and I have recently started to ask God to put a man in my life. That looks really cliche typed out but it's true, I'm ready for a relationship and that is that. Anyway, I'm hoping 19 is a great 365 days. It will go by quickly as time always does but I will make the most of it.