Thursday, January 31, 2013

January at a Glance

In January I...

celebrated the new year

began to see Oscar nominated movies

began a new semeseter

went to numerous eye appointments 

celebrated my moms birthday 

got back into the swing of campus life

I have to say, it hasn't been an extremely eventful month. I'm alright with that, no news is better than bad news. Ha. I do hope that February holds some excitement and surprises, for some reason I kind of feel like it will.


Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful for the ability to get up, walk around and physically do most everything I want. Even though dance class kicked my butt today I still remain grateful that I am able to jump, leap and run. What's interesting is that if I had been alive just one hundred years ago, I may not have been able to do any of that. Since I wouldn't have been able to have surgery to correct scoliosis, my spine probably would have curved to the point of impairment or even death as it was going into my lungs. As scary a thought that is, it is one that I need to remember as I grimace over sit ups or complain about a stubbed tow. I am glad that I can stub my toe.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Word Wednesday

Journaling Exercise - Have you been more demanding on yourself lately? Or less? Why? And do you think it's a good trend?

Ever since I was little I have struggled with motivation in school. I always had the desire to do well but I lacked the drive and the work ethic. It was only during my last two years of high school that I really began to try, even still I was somewhat lazy and I know I could have done better.  Since starting college I have really upped my game. I did better last semester then I ever did in high school. I felt motivated. This semester I began to feel myself slipping back into my old habits and being less demanding on myself. I think I am just so used to doing the minimum that I really have to push myself to try hard. The thing is, I really like to see those good grades and I really like to see my parents proud of me.

So, I've been working on getting back on track. I have a few tests coming up that I am determined to do well on. I can do this and I will!


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Talk Tuesday

Q: Why are you anonymous?
A: I guess when it comes down to it, there is really only one reason why. I don't necessarily feel safe with my name and whereabouts being out there for all to read. I also don't want pictures of myself floating around in case someone decides to steal them or tamper with them. Would I love to post pictures of myself and friends and family? YES!! Will I one day decide to just go for it? Possibly, stay tuned!

Q: What is your name?? 
A: My name may or may not be one of the following...Gertrude, Greta, Grettal, Genna, Gemma, Gilda, Grace, Gracie, Gracen, Gia, Giana, Gina, Giselle, Gennifer, Ginnifer, Ginny, Gigi, Gabrielle, Gabriella, Gabbie, Gavi, Gay, Gale, Galina, Ganessa, Genevieve, Gloria, Georgia, Georgette, Germaine, Ginger, Gladys, Gwen, Gweneth, Gwendolyn or Greer. ;)

Q: What is your college major?
A: Child Life Specialist

Q: Why do you call friends and family by first initials? 
A: To keep the blog anonymous and protect their privacy.

Q: What sort of health problems have you had?
A: Scoliosis, decreased lung capacity, astigmatism, near sightedness, far sightedness, wandering eye, short stature, headaches and currently, dyspepsia.

Q: I don't mean to be sound rude but you said you are very short, are you a dwarf?
A: Nope!

Q: How is your roommate working out?
A: Awesome! She and I are very alike.

Thanks to all you questioners!

Some Nights

Some nights I eat too late and feel incredibly sick and sleep on the cement floor (covered in a centimeter of carpet) of the common room with the recycle bin nearby in case I need know.

Yeah...that was me last night! It was pretty awful but I made it through. I slept on and off until after 6 and I was going to skip my early lab but then I felt bad and decided to just go. When I returned my roommate was like, "Did you sleep in the common room?".  Yeahbutnobigdeal. My stomach still feels kind of weird but I will not be indulging it with food. No way. I'm tired of feeling sick after everything I eat. I'll be doing my little prompt later on.
Happy Tuesday Peeps!


Monday, January 28, 2013

Memory Monday

This is a memory that I often think about, I'm not sure why but I think it's because it is so fond yet so simple.

I was probably 6 or 7 years old and it was a day probably in late may or early June. The weather was really warm and sunny. My mom, my older sister and I walked up to an outdoor shopping plaza nearby our house. My mom bought me two new pairs of shoes at Old Navy, they were the kind that look like Converse but have no laces. One pair was light blue and white checked, the other was jean. On our way home we stopped at the playground for a bit. When we got home my aunt came over, at the time she only lived a few houses away from us. I remember playing in the driveway with her, I showed her how good I was at jumping rope and I showed her my new shoes. It was so nice and sunny, just the kind of day that I love. After she left my dad came home from running errands and he had gotten me a new pillow and a pink and blue bike helmet with stars on it. I was so excited!

I ran up to my room and placed the helmet, the pillows and both pairs of shoes against my wall. I remember admiring them and being so excited. None of these things were extremely monumental. But I was just so happy with my new "treasures" and thankful for my good day.


Introducing....Week of Fun!

Wow I am wicked tired right now. I woke up early this morning and I just ate lunch so I'm pretty much in a coma. I have a fun idea for this week that I've been wanting to do for awhile. For the last week/first week of each month I want to do a "Week of Fun" in which each day has a different prompt.

Here's what it will look like:

Memory Monday (I'll describe a fond memory)
Truth Tuesday (I'll answer any question I've been asked)\
Word Wednesday (I'll do some sort of fun writing prompt)
Thankful Thursday (Speaks for itself)
Fun Photo Friday (I'll actually include some sort of picture in my post!)
Story Saturday (I'll write a very short story)
Scripture Sunday (Speaks for itself)

 I'll post my Memory later :)

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Missing C and Another Plea

Alright, I'm feeling better today than I was on Tuesday. I know I just need to get readjusted and blah blah blah. Ha.

C's whole family is over my house right now having a little par-tay for my moms birthday. And I'm here...alone. I miss C and I really wish I could be there because I haven't seen her in awhile and she's going to be out of town for the next two weeks. It makes me so sad. The thing about our friendship though is that we can not talk or see each other for awhile but our relationship stays the same. It's kind of that unspoken thing that only really good friends seem to have. I know that I'll always be C's best friend and she'll always be mine. I can't imagine life without her.

Anyway I have something more important to talk about. It's this petition that I posted yesterday. Seriously, what in the wold is more important and deserves more awareness than pediatric cancer?? I honestly can't think of a single thing. Getting enough signatures on this petition is SO IMPORTANT. If it does get 25,000 by February 6th it will go to the president for consideration and he HAS to answer back yes or no. I can't see anyone saying no to this and if he does...well I will officially know my political status! Ha. So please, if you are reading this, sign the petition below. It takes less than two minutes and it is so worthy.


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Hey There...SIGN THIS

Please, this is the worthiest cause I can think of! You'll have to create an account first but they won't spam you or anything, I promise. It literally takes less than two minutes.

Thank you so much!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

If I'm Being Honest

I'm really having a hard time here. I know that it takes awhile to get back into the routine but it feels like I will not be content here again. I know that I'll probably be fine in a few days or even weeks but right now I am letting my worries and anxiety get the best of me. First of all, I have an phobia of getting the stomach flu and throwing up. I have an even bigger phobia of this happening when I am not at home and not with my parents. I really obsess about it and if I allow myself I could dwell on it for a very long time. So basically, I am terrified that I'll get sick while I'm here.

It's funny, because I really wasn't worried so much about this back in August when I first got here. I was fine the entire semester until the week before I left and then I started to worry. I really hate that this consumes me so much and I know I just need to pray about it but it's just hard.

I was finally able to open my mailbox and retrieve the card that my mom sent me. Of course I teared up when I read it. I love my mom so much and I really miss her while I'm here. It's so hard because she is not only a great mother, she is also my best friend.

Well, I'm hoping that the nausea I feel is either A) due to me being so nervous or B) due to the milk I consumed. Dance Moms is on tonight so I'll have that to watch and then I'll probably just go to bed.


Monday, January 21, 2013

Monday Funday

This title reminds me of an elementary school phrase, but I love it!

I have the day off due to Martin Luther Kind Jr.. M and I are going to the movies with my favorite grandma and then to help her shop around. I'm going back to school directly from taking my mom to work. Fun stuff.

I'm praying for a good week, with a good work ethic and motivation! Motivation is something that I have lacked in the week that I've been back to school. I was doing so well last semester and I am determined to do even better now.


Tuesday, January 15, 2013

A New Saga Begins

I have failed to mention that I signed up for Modern Dance this semester. It may seem like a crazy decision seeing as I was hardly a Jazz prodigy. But folks, this is what they call perseverance and dedication. And sheer stupidity.

As I walked to my first day of class today, it hardly felt as though it had been over a month since I was there. My jazz final is still imprinted upon my brain. From the backward pirouettes to the embarrassing partner work with Denzel, sometimes I am haunted by the memories.

Anyway, as soon as I walked into the studio (a different studio that still looked very much the same) I noticed highschoollookalike, she waved at me and we exchanged pleasantries. Still, we're not really friends. I sat next to some nice girls who are premed, I didn't feel in-superior or anything. Finally, the teacher comes in, she is a short figure dressed in all black with short, spiked red hair, tied up in a bandana, Rosie the Riveter style. For a moment I can't place where I've seen her before and then I remember. When Tall Girl dislocated her shoulder, we were hustled into a different studio. When we arrived there was a girl there (who I now realize was actually just a woman who looked ridiculously like a teenager), she had a bandana and little red pigtails. She had commanded that we get back to dancing, even in the wake of Tall Girl's tragedy. That was my teacher I guess.

They say that first impressions are not always correct. When I first met my dance teacher I found her to be a pushy and somewhat arrogant being. Today when I met my dance teacher for the second time I found her to be a pushy and somewhat arrogant being.

In her words, "I am an awesome instituter and you will love this class. I have gotten no bad review."

Well now, don't speak too soon.

The first thing that she says is that her nickname is the same as her hair color and if we ever forget what to call her we can just look at her hair and remember. That won't work for me because I'm certain that I will end up calling her "tacky". But, for the sake of the blog, she will now be refereed to as Red.

As we huddle up in the front of the room Red tells us that this semester we will move our bodies in ways that we never though possible. We will be pushed and worked hard. Her motivational speaking skills are actually quite excellent because I only considered dropping the class a few times. We go through the syllabus quickly, Red says that by the end we will all have prefect posture. Everyone sat up a little straighter after that, but not me, I'd had a long day. The girl in front of me pipes up and compliments the teacher on her excellent posture, twice.  It was hard for me to be annoyed by her because she was wearing some sort of sweater jacket that had a long triangle hood like a wizards cap, this makes her endearing.

Before setting us loose Red decides to tell us a bit about herself. By this I mean that she spends the next few minutes bragging. Apparently Red has her own dance company,. Red has performed all over the country and even went to Austria last year. She has a bachelors and masters degree and holy-wow, the woman is in her thirties. She looks 18, seriously.

As I was trying to figure out how Red managed to not age, she says that she will see us on Thursday on which we will dance.

Hopefully I won't fail this course, Red only mentioned one method of extra credit and I presume she was joking. Extra points will be given to the student who decides to spike their hair. Yeah, that's where I draw the line. And that folks, is called dignity.


Monday, January 14, 2013

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

I'm back at school, time for semester 2 of 8. I'm ready but I'm not exactly looking forward to all the work that is involved! I just need to get back into the swing of things here. All is well with my roommate. All is well with my classes so far.

I went in to get my blood drawn on Friday, I should know the results today or tomorrow. My parents and I don't really think that I have the "syndrome" that this doctor suspects. I really don't fit the main criteria and honestly, doctors just like to try and fit people in categories. The truth is, I'm just a very atypical case. I don't think I'm going blind, I pray I'm not. I'm going o my regular eye doctor at the beginning of march to see if my eyes are blurry because I need new contacts. I pray that that is the case.

It's very hard for me sometimes because these "factors" that leave doctors puzzles, such as my height, my eyes and my lungs...they never bother me until I go to the doctor and listen to them drone on about how there is so much "wrong with me". THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME. I am made just the way God intended. It hurts me when doctors act as though I'm some sort of freak show. I'm not, really. Other than being short and having a wandering eye, I really don't look any different than anyone else.

I don't really understand why God created me this way, but I accept it. Of course there have been times that I have wished for perfect sight and to be a bit taller. I have wished that I didn't have back problems. But I KNOW that I am just he way I am supposed to be. God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't fail to give me perfect eyes or long legs. He made me this way for a reason. I may never know that reason here on earth, just like I will  never know why kids get cancer or tragedies occur. But God knows and I trust in Him.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

There's Something Wrong With Me?

I've sat down to blog a bunch of times in the past few days but I haven't been able to form exactly what I want to say. I went to this new eye doctor for the second time on Tuesday and I don't know what to think of what he told me. He seems to think I have some sort of syndrome that has impacted my height, my lungs and my eyes. I'm a little skeptical of him for a number of reasons but I'm not a doctor so I don't know what worth my opinion is. To be honest, he didn't really explain things very well. Like, I'm not sure if I'm going to someday go blind or if this blurriness in my eyes is permanent or can be fixed by a new prescription. I really wish I had answers to these question as I've really been stressing out.

The main reason I am so upset is because this syndrome that he has "diagnosed" me with leads to kidney failure and liver problems. I'm supposed to have my kidneys (through a blood test) tested right away.

I'm kind of in a bad place right now and I want all of this resolved. I hate that I have to go back to school not knowing the future of my health. Please say a prayer for me if you can.


Sunday, January 6, 2013

I Dreamed a Dream

Over the past two years or so, I have had about 4 or 5 dreams in which I die/am dying. The causes are always different, drowning, helicopter crash, falling off a mine car track (weird, I know). But the one constant in each dream is that just before I die or as I'm dying, I always have the same thought or say the same thing:

"I'm afraid I'm not going to go to heaven! Lord please forgive me, I love you Lord, please save me!"
Every. Single. Time.

Now, I haven't had one of those dreams in awhile, until last night. In my dream I was at some sort of play/concert thing with my family. A riot broke out and there was a raging fire and possibly some sort of fire arm violence. I was trying to protect my family, who were for some reason in a box? Anyway, I was running from the fire but trying to save my family at the same time. My mom was saying that I should save myself and I was in danger of being killed. Do you know what I said to her? This:

"I don't care, because if I die I'll go to heaven. And I'll be with Jesus forever"

Then I ran and ran and made it to safety with my family.

In all honesty I had never thought that dreams meant much before. I know that my fears of being kidnapped has definitely been a major part of my dreams in the past. But now I realize that my another fear has been present as well. I used to be very afraid of dying and possibly going to Hell, the fear I felt in those dying dreams was honestly unexplainable. But the peace I felt in that dream last was amazing. Like everything was going to be alright. And it is going to be. I now know with certainty that when I die, I will go to heaven, I will get to spend eternity with Jesus. I'm not sure when exactly my relationship with God finally became strong, probably sometime this fall when I began to grow spiritually at school. I am so grateful for this dream, this insight to my innermost thoughts. I am no longer afraid of death, in fact I recognize that the afterlife in heaven is so much better than life here on earth.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this dream.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

Goals For the New Year

2013 Goals
Accomplish at Least Half
  1. Eat healthier
  2. Read the Bible every day
  3. Gain kindness
  4. Make two new friends
  5. Repair my relationship with E
  6. Do one thing completely out of my comfort zone
  7. Write at least one new peice
  8. Read 40 books
  9. Donate my hair
  10. Get A's and B's only
  11. Enjoy it!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Catching Up!

Yes, I am further proving my point that I fail at blogging when I am home. Here's what has been going on:

  • For New Years Eve we rang in 2013 by going over to my aunt and uncles house and hanging out with my cousins. There are 3 of them and they're all boys, we were very close up until I was about 7 and then we definitely grew apart. It was really  nice to spend time with them and play some fun games like a more "mature" version of Apples to Apples. It was censored so all was well :). It's also important to catch up with them because they'll be at the beach house this summer!! I can't wait. 
  • On New Years Day my mom made a mock Thanksgiving meal and it was delicious. Then my mom took my sisters plus L and I to go see Perks of Being a Wallflower for the second time. Except of E, we had all read the book and just love the movie. 
  • Yesterday C came over and we hung out, made milkshakes and watched The Hunger Games, which I had just purchased. That movie is another one of our favorites and we've also read the books. Afterward we went and retrieved M from her room and we played a game together. After that we watched/made fun of/were infuriated by Toddlers and Tiaras. I love my best friend!
  • Today M and I needed to get out of the house so we went and saw Parental Guidance, obviously not movie of the year but it was funny and cute. Hopefully tonight we will continue our Harry Potter movie marathon since M got the whole set for Christmas.
Alright, that's about it! And yes, I realize that we go see a lot of movies! I do love movies.
Tomorrow is a big day, I'm going to post about it in the morning.  


Tuesday, January 1, 2013



I am excited for this new year, I pray that this will be a year of spiritual growth, renewed dedication for doing well in school and for peace in this world that has seen so little of it in 2012.

Here's to 2013!