Saturday, December 1, 2012

In My Own Way

Ugh, I have been riddled with fear and worries since I was little. They have stopped me from doing SO many things, honestly I can't even count how many things I missed out on because I had a fears about it.

Tonight the girls in my Bible study are having a sleepover. I am going to go but I am so worried about it. I'm not afraid of sleepovers, like I don't get homesick or whatever, but I have different worries about spending the night somewhere. I am petrified of getting sick over someone else s house. I don't mean catching a cold, I mean like getting the stomach flu or a migraine or waking up dizzy. I'm so nervous about these things. I really want to go though so I'm going to try and not think about it and just pray and give my worries to God.

It's very hard for me though, because for so long I have let my fears control my life. Since I've been here at school it has been a constant battle, this whole journey has been one obstacle after another. It is tiring for me and the other night I broke down and cried. For three months I have been battling my fears, one thing after another has come up. I obsess about things that I am afraid of, first it was my early class and walking there when it's dark, then it was my Bible study and being able to find a ride/waiting outside for my ride, there was also the dance show that I had to go see and walk there at night...and really there have been even more things in between. I wish I was someone who could just do things and not think so hard about them. I wish that I would truly be able to give these fears to God and not worry at all.

I'm not sure how this post is coming across, I hope I don't sound like a nutcase, I'm not. Just a girl who is so tired of living this way.

But I'm going to go to the sleepover, I'm going to enjoy myself, I'm going pray every time I feel worried. I'm going to be alright.

Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

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