Thursday, September 27, 2012

Why Having a Fused Spine Doesn't Actually Make You a Better Dancer

Well, it has officially been a month since I began my journey in Jazz class. I celebrated this morning by eating a blueberry muffin. Yes, I know that I have given those up but some special occasions just warrant the presence of Otis Spunkmeyer.

We jumped right into our Jazz text book at the beginning of class. Today's theme? Body alignment. We were going to find our center. Of course, our book also had a section called misalignment, as in what was about to happen to me as soon as we started practicing. There were some illustrations of Lordosis (sway back), Kyphosis (hunch back) and my old friend Scoliosis (curved back). For a minute there I was afraid that they had used my old x-ray as inspiration for this particular drawing. If that is the case then I'm certain that I'm entitled to royalties.

Third one on the right, me?? soon as the teacher told us to find partners I pounced on Pigtails sanding next to me. Sorry Denzel, you just didn't make the cut. We were supposed to take turns laying on the ground and trying to press our back flat and suck in our stomach. Pigtails did a great job, right on the mark. When it was my turn the teacher came over and we had this lovely conversation:

Teacher (pressing my back flat): You said you have scoliosis right?
Me: I did
T: Blank stare.
Me: I mean, I used to but I got it fixed.
T: Did you wear a brace?
Me: No, I had surgery. My spine is fused.
T: Oh.  (pressing on my legs) I also noticed that you have some trouble keeping your legs straight when we do our kicks.
Me: Maybe it's because I have bowed legs??
T: Blank stare.
Me: Never mind.

First of all, I love my teacher. She's a really nice lady, but geez! Wouldn't you expect a dance instructor to know at least a little bit about skeletal dyspepsia? Is that really asking too much?

Oh, I digress.

Finally it was time to do our floor exercises (excuse me if I'm still using the Olympic lingo, old habits die hard). Guess who my partner was? I'll give you a hint, she's very short like me and we used to be married. You guessed it! The ex-little couple was back together, but not really because I don't want to feel tied down anymore. So, from now on she will be known as Band Girl. Why? Because this chick is clearly stuck in her high school marching band days. Every time we learn something new she's all like: We did that in band! or In band we did those starting with the left foot. This would be fine if I actually cared which side she used to do her pivot turns on, unfortunately for both of us, I don't.

Meanwhile, back at the studio, I was trying to keep that darn leg straight. I was watching myself in the mirror and concentrating so hard that my tongue may have been sticking out and beads of sweat may have been dripping down my poor fused spine. In any case, I didn't look too hot. Finally, I achieved perfection! Only too bad for me because in order to achieve that perfection I had locked my knee and I soon found myself plummeting forward. The upside? Well, there wasn't one because a bunch of people saw.

Then we got to gallop. I don't know about you but that's something I've been doing for years. So home-girl galloped like it was nobodies business! At last, the class was about to be over when the teacher said she was going to show us one last thing. It was some kind of rolling-on-the-ground-turn and although it was fun, it made me very dizzy. But I didn't hit into anyone so I considered it a success.

Now I have the whole weekend to practice!


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

On Being an Eskimo

My room is freezing. Honestly my hands are like ice and my feet are even worse. I'm still wearing my dance tights with socks underneath them and they are literally numb. I'm wearing, two long sleeve shirts and jeans along with my sock/tights combination. I also have a blanket. They clearly haven't turned the heat on here and it is killing me. Ah, college life. It may be making my sick actually.

Time out. Jessica Simpson is advocating for Weight Watchers on my TV. Good Lord, you'd think that anyone can read a teleprompter. Obviously not.

Anyway, I may be getting sick because my wheeze is back and it hurts when I take a deep breath. Also, on a complete (but equally painful) unrelated note I have a mean pimple on my chin. These are things that clearly must become public information.

But back to to me freezing my tuckus off. The hand that I am typing with probably has hypothermia right now. I think that maybe I should stop now and build a fire to warm it up.

Oh wait...


Monday, September 24, 2012

Mighty to Save

Yesterday as we sang this song in church I was once again reminded of how awesome God truly is. I am so imperfect, so sinful and so broken. Yet, here is a loving God that chose to save us and forgives me again and again every day. I don't deserve it, I truly don't. I don't deserve to have such great parents, I don't deserve all the physical blessings He has given me. I am so thankful for all I have been given here on earth.

I want so badly to improve my relationship with Him. I want to want to read my Bible. I want to want to do good work, not just to please my parents and my professors but to please Him who has given me the ability to learn and I am so thankful for that.

I want to be able to lift up my arms as I sing in church, with no inhibition. I pray that one day I can be bold enough to share my faith with even the hardest of hearts.

I have been having dreams lately that really convict me, dreams in which I know I am dying. In these dreams I am overcome with fear that I am not going to Heaven. This is a real fear of mine. I believe in the Gospel, but I find myself not growing as Christian and lacking the motivation to do so. I pray that some day soon I would be able to say with certainty that I will be spending my eternity with my Lord and Savior.

I know that this is personal, but this is my blog and I want to be honest and open. This has been weighting my heart and listening to Mighty to Save nearly brought me to tears. 

My Savior can move mountains and with Him by my side I can too!

Take a moment and listen to this powerful song


Saturday, September 22, 2012

Home is Where the Heart is

I'm home for the weekend. Happy to be with my family. Wishing I didn't have to leave tomorrow, loving the company of the people I care most about and yearning for a way that I could feel content in each place. College and home.

Listening to my mom play a Green Day song. She thinks they're super cool. I love her.


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Why Not Having Toe Nails Doesn't Actually Make You a Better Dancer

As I mentioned earlier this week, a layer of nail came off each of my big toes. While I was alarmed at first, I think that this is a step toward the healing process. They cast off the dead layers in order to grow a new one. Beautiful. The human body is just amazing.

Anyway...the walk to Jazz Class was cold and rainy so I didn't feel like wearing my dance shorts. Instead I put on a pair of yoga pants that I usually wear tucked into my Ugg boots. They're just too long to be worn on their own so I used some safety pins to make them shorter. Anyway, the rain whipped at me but I made it there alright. The only casualty was my hair that grew a few inches in width but I braided it so it was fine.

Who do I see when I walk in the studio??? My Little Couple spouse! Is our trial separation over? Hmmm, we'll see. There wasn't a big reunion or anything but we did exchange hello's. The teacher announces that today we're going to do partner stretches. Before I have a chance to figure out what this means, everyone is partnered up and I am left with the lone male dancer in the class. Of course. He's a quiet fellow who really resembles Denzel Washington. First I sit on the floor while he pushes me forward with my legs out. It was a pretty picture. Next, it's Denzel's turn and I have focus all my strength on making sure he gets a darn good stretch. Denzel is a little tense but I think I loosened him up. Then we have to take turns laying on the floor while our partner pushes our leg forward. This was not my favorite part. I think that Denzel was just as uncomfortable as me though because he wouldn't look me in the eye. He may have been getting annoyed with me because I kept saying "Ow", I actually half expected him to break out into a motivational speech that ends with "...they will remember the night that they played the Titans" but he just kept that solemn look on his Denzel face.

After partner stretching was finally over we lined up to do our steps across the floor. First we did the thing where we kick our legs up as high as they can go. I partnered with highschoollookalike girl again. I think the Little Couple is officially divorced. I think that's ok though because I think we're going to try to still be friends. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good. Kicking like a true miniature rockette when the teacher says "Keep your leg straight!". I looked at her very confused because I honestly felt that my legs were at a perfect 90 degree angle. But low and behold, I glance at the mirror and get an eye full of bent legs.

Whose legs are those??

I moved my arm and the bent leg figure in the mirror did too. That's when I realized that those tragic legs are mine. And so is the rest of that poor bow-legged body.

After I calmed myself down from that heartache we moved onto these plee-aye (I don't feel like looking up the spelling) turn things. The teacher first tried to show us how to use spotting to not get dizzy when we turn. Well, I practiced spotting before it was our turn and I hit into two people. After going across the floor and swayed from dizziness. I guess I didn't spot correctly.

At this point, my poor big toes begin to smart. They have no protection and all this pointing and turning is getting to them. Remember how I so handily pinned up my pants? Well they somehow managed to unfold and in the middle of my toe points I tripped over them and rolled forward on my right toe. There was a lot of cracking noises and it hurt like the dickens (old fashion and loving it). I may have cried out in pain, no one is sure but I managed to finish class.

Here's to hoping that I have a nail growth spurt before my next class on Tuesday. Who am I kidding though? I don't get growth spurts.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012


This morning I feel so discouraged.  Obviously.

You know how I was studying last night? Well, I studied the wrong stuff. So I'm 100 % sure that I failed the quiz.

I feel like an idiot but I'm not going to give up. I know how to go about studying now and I'll hopefully and prayerfully knock this next quiz out of the park.


Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday Musings

I'm sitting here with no clear idea as to what this post will be about. Switched At Birth (have I mentioned how my best friend thinks that I was switched at birth? Another story for another post)  is on my TV and I'm putting off getting up and putting on my pajamas. Today was

I'm mainly referring to the fact that I got a C- on my stats test. That honestly just sucks. I hate to start off my semester with such a bad grade. I should have studied more, I learned though because I made notecards and did some serious studying for my Anatomy Quiz tomorrow. I think I'll do well, I pray I'll do well.

Also, I don't think I mentioned this but I joined a Bible study here on campus. It starts tomorrow night and I'm both excited and nervous. Nervous because by the time it ends it'll be dark and I, or course am scared of getting kidnapped on my way back to my dorm. But seriously, I really am looking forward to meeting new Christian friends. The cool thing is that both my parents and sister have Bible study on Tuesday night as well! So I'll be here at school doing my study and they'll be at home doing theirs. I just think that's nice, call me a dork but I do.

Hhmm...what else? Oh! I officially started a Healthy Living Plan today. I was on one last summer but it didn't go over well (again, another story for another post). So I revised the plan and this is what it looks like:
  • No sweets! I may have one Nature Valley Dark Chocolate granola bar after lunch but that's it
  • No unhealthy food. Super cheesy Mac and Cheese, pizza, sugar cereal etc. This of course, also includes processed foods such as chips, certain breakfast bars and....sadly Otis Spunkmeyer muffins. Sniff, sniff
  • Stretching every night along with sit-ups and push-ups
  • Portion control, eating until I'm full but not any further. Not too many in between meal snacks. 
 Now, don't mistake this for a way for me to lose weight. I definitely don't need to do that. I weigh a grand total of 88 pounds, but I'm very short so I promise you that it's OK. Anyway, when I eat well, I feel well. I get less headaches, have more energy and generally just feel positive. The exerciser is a great way to build muscle and flexibility.

I'm hoping that writing this on here will keep my accountable. I'm really going to try hard to stick to this.

Well, I'm signing off. The melodrama of an ABC sitcom is calling.
Happy Monday!


Sunday, September 16, 2012

Weekend Wrap-Up

Yesterday was probably the most boring day of my life. The highlight? Getting a red rash all over my legs after taking a shower. It went away as mysteriously as it appeared. I don't know.

But today I spent all morning cleaning my room because my family came to visit!! It was so great to see my parents as my sisters. Of course my younger sister E had to start a whole shanannagins because she wanted to sleep over with me but wasn't allowed because it wasn't planned and she has been less that perfect lately. So she cried (the girl is 13, geez) and although I was somewhat flattered I was also very annoyed. After she got lost (because she insisted on staying far behind us) we went and ate at this cafe place. I'm sick of the food because I eat it everyday but they all liked it.

Then we hung out in my room for a while. I showed them some stuff I learned in Jazz Class, they were impressed because they had no one to compare me to and didn't realize I was doing everything wrong. Both of my parents inspected my big toes because a layer of nail just came off. It was like Dr. G Medical Examiner. If you don't know what that is, it's a show where an Autopsy Dr. goes over real life findings of dead people. I'm comparing this to my toes because they're dead. Literally, black in places, caloused and growth stunted. Just like a dead person. I sat on my lofted bed with my older sister and she consoled herself that the bed would not collapse from both of our weight because she'd seen a lot of obese students. Surely if the beds accommodate them than we would be fine. We were. To conclude the visit we all watched the music video "Somebody That I Used To Know". Why? Because we wanted to, duh.

I just love to spend time with them and the room feels so nice and full when I have visitors.

I cried a little when they left but I was OK. I'm going home on Friday so I'll be seeing them in four days time. That sounded old fashion, I like it.

Well, I'm off to practice my dancing surf the web and watch some Netflix before 9:00. that's when the Keeping Up With the Kardashians finale starts...

Please don't judge me.


Saturday, September 15, 2012

Day of Fun??


My friend K and I were going to have a day of fun here. It would have been both of our first weekends here since we moved in. We were going to rock climb, bowl and watch a movie. Then I got a text this morning that she had to go home. I asked her why and she said she would explain it to me tomorrow and that it was a long story.

I'm not really annoyed with her, I just have absolutely nothing to do now. I mean nothing. Nothing. I'm so bored here alone. I just surf the web, watch TV and eat. I'm sick of it already and the day is only half done. I wish it would be nighttime so I could go to sleep and wake up and have it be a new day. It is so beautiful outside but there is no way for me to enjoy it. I could take a walk, but where? A few laps around my building?

My family is going to a chalk festival today. I would have liked to have come but I really did want to spend a weekend away because I thought it would be good for me. I might loose my mind though, it's like solitary confinement seriously. I hate being alone right now, it's the most awful feeling to just sit in this room all day with NOTHING TO DO.

I guess I'll wrap some tape around my hands and collect all of my hair that has fallen out. I shed madly and my hair is literally everywhere. 

Send help.


Friday, September 14, 2012

I Don't Know...

If it's selfish to make this prayer request about me instead of someone I know. There's really a lot that I could ask you to pray for but right now I have something weighing on me that needs prayer the most.

I'm away at college and it's my third week. I'm having some trouble with homesickness and I really just want to make friends. But that's not what I am asking for prayers about.

If you are new here than you don't know the trouble with my eyes. They are very unique and there was a time when I was very little that my doctor thought I might eventually go blind. Of course, that theory was wrong but over the past few weeks or so I've noticed some troubling symptoms that are sort of freaking me out. In the center vision of my left eye (the eye I use the most) it is sort of foggy. I've researched this and it could be because of a pucker in my retina or it could be something much worse. I'm scared to death that I might be slowly losing my eyesight. Adding insult to injury is the fact that I'm alone here at school and I feel like I have no one to talk to about it so it's kind of eating away at me.

Please pray that this issue is being caused by something minor. I have an appointment coming up so please also pray for wisdom for the doctors as they try to figure it out. Please pray for my peace as I struggle with worry.

Thank you so much, it is very appreciated.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

11 Years Ago

I actually wrote this last year but it somehow got deleted. So I revised the title and decided to repost it on the 11th anniversary:

I was 7 years old. Sitting innocently in my 2nd grade classroom when the first tower was hit. The teachers did not want to scare us so they didn't tell us what was going on. Strange things happened that day though and it's amazing what a kid can pick up on. A lot of my classmates were getting taken out of school, one was pulled right from our line on our way to music class. The teachers held hushed conversations. I knew something was going on.

I just didn't know what.

When my sister and I got home my mom met us at the front door and we sat outside on the front steps. She told us a simplified version of what had happened that day. I did not understand, I don't even think I cared. It was like hearing about a story or movie where a bunch of people I didn't know died. I didn't get the magnitude of it, not for years did it hit me emotionally.

September 11th 2001 was the first major historical event that I lived through. It will be a memory that I will never forget. It's weird to think that the kids that weren't born or were babies at the time (like my little sister) never knew a world without the fear of terrorists or the war. I'm thankful that our country was somewhat peaceful for the first 7 years of my life.

For the past 5 school years in my history classes when the anniversary of the attacks comes around we watch a documentary or a TV special on the subject. When I watch these people talking about their loved ones that died or when I hear these phone conversations, actually recordings of people saying goodbye, it just gets to me. I can't imagine what was going through their minds when the realized that they had no chance, that they were going to die. The fear, the terror, the panic. I'm not brave or strong enough to even think about how I would handle that. I know that I would be praying madly and I know that the fact that I have God watching over me would help but I don't's just so unimaginable.

When I think about those brave passengers that overpowered the terrorists, I'm overcome with pride for the citizens of our country. That we have people that are so willing to sacrifice themselves to save more lives. Their bravery will never be forgotten.

Lets remember, today and always. September 11th 2001.

It's Really Early

And I have an Anatomy Lab at 6:40. I'm so tired and nervous that I might get kidnapped while walking to class. I guess I thought that if I wrote it on here it wouldn't come true.

I'll let you know.


Monday, September 10, 2012

Sirens In the Night

I'm peacefully sleeping  this morning at 4:45 am. And then....


I fly out of my bed, disoriented to the point of complete confusion. Along with the piercing sirens there are also flashing lights that look like strobe lights. I grab my water bottle, cell phone and little pill box. You know, all that's important in life. I thought that I had pulled a recyclable bag off of my hook but it wasn't until I was out in the hallway that I realizes I had grabbed something entirely different. You see, last week I was at the book store and this guy was handing out this free Axe shampoo in a little mesh bag that says AXE on it.

Well, that was the bag I grabbed.

Anyway, I get out in the hallway and realize...I don't have my keys. I have my AXE bag, but I don't have my blasted keys! So if the building doesn't burn down I will have no way to get back into my room. I got locked out last week too so I was sure that my second offense would get me kicked out or killed. The girl that has a room next to mine was also really confused and although I hadn't said two words to her up until this point I told her of my of my lost key woes. She asked if I my door was locked.

Obviously. Why else would I care that I didn't have my keys....

It was as I was walking to the staircase that I realized everything was blurry and for a minute I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that I didn't have my contacts in! I'm legally blind! Yahoo! Yet somehow that AXE label still seemed to be perfectly clear.

Then the entire population of my residence hall shuffled down the stairs and outside where we were herded away from the building.  I had remembered to take my stretchy blue jacket so I wasn't too cold but it was still chilly. A few guys had came down in such a hurry that they forgot to put on shirts. Oh, how awful.

On the bright side I had water, Ibuprofen, my phone and some shampoo. All stuffed in my mesh AXE bag. So if I got thirsty or a headache or needed to make a call I was set. And if it started to rain I could have washed my hair.

After barely three minutes we were allowed back inside. I ran into my RA at the door. Our conversation went something like this:

RA (jolly sarcasm): Good morning!
Me (monotone and possibly demonic): I forgot my keys.

It turns out that a lot of other kids were locked out too. Lucky for me I found my RA so she took myself a a few other kids up and we waited for another RA with all the keys. When I got into my room I replaced my AXE bag on the hooks and I flopped onto my bed feeling completely and utterly exhausted. I was awake though and didn't fall asleep for an hour. Then I woke up an hour and a half later for class.

Oh, my life.


Saturday, September 8, 2012

[A List]

  1. I bought a pair of Tom's today. For those of you who don't know, Tom's are these fairly plain slip-on shoes and when you buy a pair, the company donates a pair of shoes to a child in Africa. I like that they're stable shoes, which I don't have a lot of. The added plus is that they help others. 
  2. I also bought a some new shorts for my Jazz class today. All the girls have these black stretchy shorts from Pink to go over their leotards. Well, I think that Pink is ridiculously overpriced and overrated so I got mine at American Eagle instead. 
  3. Tonight it C's birthday party!! I got her this engraved pen (she's a writer too) and a hilarious Justine Beiber musical card as a joke. I love giving gifts more than I like receiving them. 
  4. Last night I watched an old episode of Boy Meets World with my mom and younger sister E. I got emotional, that show gets me every time. 
  5. I'm currently eating sweet potato fries. Yum. 
  6. People everywhere remind me of characters on Parenthood. This may be a sign that I'm watching it too much, or it may not be. Who knows. 
  7. Oh, I'm home by the way. Forgot to mention that I came home again this weekend for C's partayyy. 
  8. Hmmmm....I'm going back tomorrow and most likely to a Church service with my RA. I'm kind of nervous but I do want to sign up for a small group study on campus. 
  9. I had a slew of weird dreams last night. In one of them I was back at work at the hospital only no one recognized me and in another I was in some sort of prep school trying to take a class picture. 
  10. I'm reading Perks of Being a Wallflower and it is really good so far. I want to finish it tomorrow.
The End. Ha. Not really.


Thursday, September 6, 2012

Why Wearing Leotard Doesn't Actually Make You a Better Dancer

That title isn't entirely curate because in addition to that leotard I was also wearing tights and jazz shoes, folks. But that would make the title into a giant run on sentence and we can't have that.

Anywayyyyyy, I arrived at Jazz class feeling like the real deal. We began again with stretching, I think I may be getting more flexible after all. I didn't even break a sweat until the lunges! But those crunches got me again, so much so that it must have been obvious of my struggle because the teacher came over and told me to relax. I relaxed as much as I could for a girl about to have a heart attack. I felt good about myself while doing to push-ups because I've always had good upper body strength, my self esteem rose a good point. But....then it went down again after I realized that a stretch I had thought I was good at was actually being done wrong and I was very bad at it after all.

I was glad to move onto floor mercerizes (like that lingo???) but I bit dismayed when my other half of The Little Couple was not there. I guess we're in a trial separation only she never consulted me first. Oh well. I paired up with this girl who I had previously thought was stand-offish but then I realized that I had unfairly judged her because she looks like this girl from high school who I couldn't stand. Well, HighSchoolLookAlike is actually very very good at dancing. So next to her I didn't look so hot, I mean my dancing didn't look so hot, I actually looked pretty happening with my leotard and sweaty face. The girl behind me smelled like frozen yogurt which was also a plus.

Did I mention we have a live drummer? Well we do and although at first the beat sounds like a friendly poetry reading, by mid-point it begins to sound like a tribal death march. Or maybe that music they play in Survivor when the contestants are on their way to tribal council. I would totally get voted off the Dance Island.

Back to the fun on the floor. After we did toe point things the teacher showed us a new move where we swing our hips. Did she say hips??? Finally! Something I can do!! I swung my hips like it was nobody's business! And pretty soon the class was over.

I may not be a star student but at least I looked the part.


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Time Flies When You're Sometimes Having Fun (August Recap)

I can't believe it's almost been a whole week since I've written, I know that's not an enormous length of time or anything but it's the longest I've went for quite a while. SO, August has ended, September is upon us and it's time to take a look back:

In August I...
Closely followed the Olypmics

Went to my cousins wedding

Shopped endlessly for college stuff

Read the Hunger Games series

Spent time with my best friend

Left for school

Started classes

Tried to fit in and make friends

Here's to September! May you bring great things!