Sometimes, I wish I was still an innocent little kid but then I try to remember the last time that I truly felt worry and carefree. I honestly can't. As far back as my memory goes there has always been something weighing on me. Of course now the problems seem trivial but when you're little they seem huge and that can't be played down. To a three or four year old (myself) a simple thing like going to pre-school was a big fear of mine. I was literally terrified that my mom would never come back. Once THAT hurdle was over my fear of getting kidnapped reared it's ugly head from the time I was 7 to about age 12 or 13. Little things like riding my bike alone or waiting in the car at the store were enough to send me into a panic.
Starting middle school and high school were also sources of high anxiety. Would I have good teachers? Make new friends? Keep my old friends? Get lost? It's always been the unknown that scared me and that's why college poses such a threat. I really have no idea what to expect and that kills me. I wish I could look into a crystal ball to see how it all plays out. But that's not possibly obviously.
I guess the main point of this post is kind of like the point I made in this one just about a year ago. What I'm trying to say is that no matter how old you get, you always idolize the past. In truth, no part of life is perfect and someday I'll miss this season of life that I'm in. I know it's hard to believe but I really do think it's true. Someday when I'm working full time or have kids I'll look back at my 18 year old self and think:
"Didn't I know how easy I had it? And how much fun that time was? Why didn't I appreciate it more?"
Life goes on, new challenges arise but you always have to cherish the moment. No matter how hopeless or lost you may feel. The carousal continues to spin and as Joni Mitchell once said, you can't return, you can only look behind from where we came"
Here's to Ms. Mitchell, her wise words are so very true!