Thursday, September 29, 2011

Bundle of Love

I held my friends baby today when we went to see her. Such a sweet little thing, I love her already. Even though my friend and her boyfriend are way too young to be parents I'm hoping and praying that they'll do a good job. They've got a sweet little girl who deserves a job well done.


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Welcome Baby

Yesterday my old friend who was pregnant (I mentioned her earlier) had her baby girl. She is 17 years old. I know that most people would say that they can't imagine having a baby that young, but I've thought about it before so I guess I could imagine what it would be like.

After watching 16 and Pregnant and subsequently Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 I've had an inside look in what teenage motherhood would be like. In every case-it's not easy, that's for sure. But when the girls had a supportive family, it made things a whole lot better. I know my family would be very disappointed in me if I were in that situation (trust me, I never will be!) but I know they would support me.

I'm a daydreamer so of course I've had several daydreams about myself as a teen mom, I'll admit that they sugar coat things as daydreams usually do but I feel like with my family and with my natural knack to handle stress and responsibility I feel that I would be okay. Now maybe that's a naive thing to say, but I know myself and I'm good at stepping up to the plate when it really matters.

I've always wanted to have children and if nothing else I want to be a mother. Sometimes I'll catch myself thinking that I'd like a baby now but then I have to remember that I'm not ready for that even if I feel that I am. Even if I would do a good job I know I could do a much better job as a financially stable, married adult.

As far as my friend and her little baby is concerned I'm not sure how she'll do. She's always had a strained relationship with her mom although it has gotten a lot better recently. Her dad is pretty much out of the picture and doesn't live nearby. Her family has had money issues but as of now I think they're alright, a baby does add menses expense though. My only concern is that my friend may not be emotionally ready or mature enough for this. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I just hope that her 5 pound bundle of cuteness grows up with the best life possible and that one day she'll look back and be thankful for her upbringing. I guess teenage mother or not that's all you can really ask for.


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

As I Stood in the Grocery Store Eating Teddy Grams...

I felt as if I could be a little kid again. Hanging on my moms purse, pleased that she'd allow me to open my snack while still in the store. My mom stayed at home with my sisters and I until I was 11 and my best memories from my early childhood are simple: running errands, watching Disney movies, helping make dinner with her.

I'm not kidding when I say that I had an awesome childhood.

I will admit that I didn't like preschool, I had a hard time seeing my mom go and had a fear of her never coming back. Of course she always did! Sometimes after she picked me up we would take walks to the park or to a toy store near our house. We would wait on the front steps for my older sister to come home on the bus and just talk. Sometimes she'd tell me stories about a squirrel and her best friend whose lies always got her into trouble. When my sister got home we'd go inside for a snack and then we'd played as mom made dinner.

Since my dad worked 2nd shift for most of my younger years I would see him in the morning and for a few hours after preschool, but at dinner it was just us three girls. Mom would make all sorts of healthy organic dinners and nearly every Sunday the house would fill with the smell of her homemade sauce.

After dinner she'd take us upstairs for baths where we would wash our hair with L'Oreal Kids shampoo and while she toweled us off and brushed our hair she would tell us jokes and stories. Before bed my mom always read us a few books. We loved the Bearenstein Bears and Golden Books. Then it was the usual:

Don't let the bed bugs bight!
See you in the morning light!
I love you!
Sweet dreams!
and in later years:
God Bless!

My days were filled with blissful childlike abandon and love for and from my parents. My dad would spend time with us too, we'd wrestle around and sometimes just put on music and dance around the living room. He would pick me up and waltz me about the carpet.

On weekends we would all bike up to the local library, my dad toting me in a bike-seat or a carriage that attached to the back of his bike, as we rode over the wooden bridge we would make sure to talk so we could hear our voices wobble.

Other weekends we'd go to the park or to visit family. I have very fond memories of going to visit my grandpa and searching the house for the promised bowl of m&m's or mini chocolate bars. Often times we'd get together with my dads side of the family, with my favorite grandma and my aunts and uncles and 4 cousins. Get togethers were the norm and since my favorite uncle and aunt lived just two houses away, we saw them quite often.

I will always reflect on my childhood as the best anyone could ask for and sometimes little things will take me back. Even if it is just the taste of teddy grams.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thank You Alumni!!

We recently had an alumni assembly at school where former students get inducted into the "Hall of Fame" so to speak. Last year it was fairly boring but this year there were 4 speakers and every one of them was inspirational. I loved it! Best of all 2 of them were Christians and not shy about sharing their faith with us. One of the men that was inducted used a really great quote in his speech:

"Don't let your challenges control you, let them empower you"

Amen to that! Seriously though, it really "spoke to me" and without sounding too cheesy it really is a life changing way of thinking. I am thankful that God put these speakers in my life just days after I was feeling so stressed out. Truly amazing!


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Living On a Prayer

Yep, that's me. Living on this prayer:

Dear Lord please help everything to work out with college and my life in general next year. I am so stressed out Lord, please help me to relax and let you guide my way. Amen.

More to come. Sorry for the long break, I've been...busy.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Here's a List For You

1. I got C 16 presents for her 16th birthday and I can't wait for her to open them

2. I'm freaking out because my throat is scratchy and I'm most likely getting a cold. How I hate colds, seriously I always get them worse than anyone else. Equipped with nausea, headaches and fevers.

3. We're having my old best friend over for dinner tonight so we can give her presents for her baby. Yes, that's right she's pregnant. I expect it to be somewhat awkward but there's nothing wrong with giving support to those who need it.

4. My sour mood has hardly let up lately, especially since I think I'm getting sick.

5. I taped the movie My Girl and I'm way too excited to watch it.

6. I fell asleep at 9:30 last night but I was woken up again at 11:00 and then at 11:15 and finally at 2:00 I went to sleep for the night but was woken up again at 8:00.

7. I hate that I can no longer sleep in.

8. I've been reading an awesome blog, find it here at: This mother is awesome and I want to be like her when I get older. She loves God and she stays home with her 6 adorable kids.

9. Red velvet cake is for desert and guess who really WANTS IT NOW...

10. There's a bit of turmoil going on at my house right now, nothing major though.

11. Can I just say that I am very blessed? I complain too much about little things but when it comes down to it, I am very blessed.


Thursday, September 8, 2011


I'm feeling very discouraged today. Maybe it was because I'm tired or the fact that I didn't understand a word that the teacher said today in Math class or it could be because my dad cancelled my recording of Dance Moms. Ahem.

I also missed the deadline to submit my self nomination form. It said the wrong date on the sheet and I guess I never got the memo that they were supposed to be handed in on the 8th, not the 13th. Oh well. I'll never know what would have happened. But a girl can dream.

Anyway, I've been really down lately. When school starts up again I always notice that my mood will take serious nosedive. I hate to say it but after 3 months of summer-high I have now hit an all time school-low. I hate waking up early, I hate not understanding material, I hate homework and I hate the long walks between classes. It really helps to have something to look forward to when I get home though, like a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. Yesterday I looked forward to going to my sisters ENT appointment (I like hospitals, yes I know I'm the only one). Today I looked forward to watching Dance Moms with my sister while my parents go to orientation at my school. That's clearly down the toilet. Luckily the episode is also airing at 10:30 tonight so I can record it again, so long as my wonderful father does not delete it this time.

I've gotten off topic. Back to the root of my bad mood. I think it's just the stress of knowing that a lot of hard work is ahead of me. College visits, essays, applications...sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and give up. Go to community college for my freshmen year. Oh my would that ever be easy.

But I'm not looking for easy and easy is not what I need. I'm need independence and freedom and responsibilities. What I want is comfort and familiarity though. I NEED to overcome those things though.

Here's to hoping my mood improves.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Life's a Beach

I just got back from the beach. Can I just say that I love the beach? I love the sand, the water...the atmosphere. It makes me sad to think that this will probably be the last beach trip until next summer. Major BUMMER!

So I haven't exactly opened up about school yet so here it is: School has been beyond brutal and I'm sick of it.

I went into this school year thinking "I will get great grades, I will study hard, I will have an awesome Senior year" Eh, not so much. I really really tried, I tried to have a positive attitude and willing heart. I do all of my homework, I study, I go for extra help. But by golly, I still don't get it.

What am I talking about? Math...! I've always loathed it, it's the one subject that no matter how hard I try I can't succeed. I can have a certain skill demonstrated for me over and over again, I can practice it but I can never really learn and understand it! I think maybe I'm just stupid. I hope not, I really do but I really really want to do well I just don't know how. I've cried about it, prayed about it, thought about it nonstop but I have no solution. It seems utterly hopeless.

I'll probably just get a tutor but I've tried that twice and it never really works out. My options are limited. I should feel comfortable with getting help from my teacher but he makes me feel like an idiot when I do something wrong.

What to do???????
To be continued I guess.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Why Can't I?

Soooo sorry for the posting lull. I've been busy with school starting up and all that goes with it. Everything is going OK I guess but more about that later.

This week the self-nomination forms for the "Sweet 16" came out. I'll bet your wondering what exactly that is. For our Homecoming dance there is 16 girls (Sweet 16) that are in the running for the homecoming court. 4 girls make it in the court and in addition, one person becomes queen. You see ever since I started high school and we would have the homecoming assembly I would imagine what it would be like to walk across the heavily decorated gym as a song of my choice plays and the principle reads off all of my high school accomplishments.

The problem is, I'm not popular, I'm not athletic. I'm pretty sure that I'm at least known by all the kids in my grade and I have never done anything to make others dislike me but I'm not high school royalty. I'm not a cheerleader, I'm not on the soccer team and I don't have the perfect figure. But I really, really want to get on the Sweet 16. I know it's a superficial title and that there are plenty of more important accomplishments but I can't help it I really want to walk across the gym in my dress, I really want to do this one thing before I lose the chance.

So I grabbed a nomination form from the manilla envelope hanging outside the office. As I was walking to get it I saw 2 popular girls that you would expect to see win take 2 from the folder. I waited until they left to take my form, I didn't want them to see me and think...I don't know...think:

"How dare she think that she'll ever win, no one will vote for her. What has she ever even done?"

The truth is, there are easily 16 girls that are expected to get on the S16 and I'm not one of them. It's a long shot for me to think that a lot of people will vote for me. I know my friends will but it won't be enough.I'm scared to even fill out and turn in the form because that will mean that people will see my name on the sheet when they vote and again they'll think:

"How dare she think that she'll ever win, no one will vote for her. What has she ever even done?" 

The form is hanging on my wall by my desk. I have all of the requirements, my GPA is higher than 2.5, I have 2 extra curricular activities. It also says that I have to submit a picture along with the form. Why? I don't know. Will they take one look at me and toss my form in the trash?  That is, if I even have the courage to fill it out and turn it in.

We'll see.