Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Last Vestiges of Summer

Today is the last day of summer. I have slept in for the last time, eaten breakfast with my family, ran errands, rode my bike, gone on a job interview (another story to be told later), made mine and my younger sisters lunches, watched a little TV, set out my school supplies, made my senior shirt and now I am listening to my mom make dinner in the kitchen. I like to pack a lot in.
Summer has flown by, all three parts of it. June=Carefree Zone, July=Safe Zone, August=DANGER ZONE. WATCH OUT FOR AUGUST! But...alas it's too late to try and enjoy every last moment. I've tried to, I've spent many moments thinking about how happy I was that it was summer and savoring all that went along with it. I just like to be able to look back on summer fondly and not think that it wasted away.

Here are the things that I LOVE about summer:
-Sitting on the green grass and talking with friends/family
-Sleeping in
-The beach
-Spending more time with my mom and dad
-Ice cream, lots of it!
-Warm weather and the sun

Here are the things that I like about summer:
-Watching storms
-Grilling out
-Staying up late
-All the parties

Here are the things I dislike about summer:
-The lack of routine
-Having to put on sunblock nearly every day
-Not seeing friends
-Eating unhealthy (alright, alright I love ice cream but still!)

I feel a  bit better about going to school after making that last list.

Monday, August 22, 2011

The first "last"

Today is the last day that I will be able to think "no school tomorrow" without it being a weekend or a holiday break. I still have some summer left, even if it is just a day.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

My Best Friend

When I was 11 I became best friends with C. We pretty much hit it off from the start, we're interested in the same things and share a similar thought process. C and I would spend hours telling stories back and forth, we'd pack picnics, pick flowers, draw, play dolls...most of the time it didn't even matter what we were doing because if we were doing it together it was always fun.

C loves to write. G loves to write. Thus the foundations of our friendship was formed on this mutual hobby that was so much more than that. Telling stories, as mentioned above, became our favorite pass time. We tell them over the phone or in person it didn't really matter but each story was different. At first they were scary ones but then they evolved into dramatic tales of sickness and summer love. I can remember almost every one. It sends a little pang in my chest to think back to those more carefree times. Telling stories with C defines my preteen years. Don't get me wrong though it's not like we were those kinds of kids who were only interested in one thing. We still loved going to the mall and swimming and all of those other things I mentioned in the first paragraph. Writing was just something that we both loved.

C didn't/doesn't go to my school so it was nice not having to worry about a bunch of other friends influencing our friendship and there was no competition between us either. That's why its easy for us to talk about school problems, because the other one can answer with an objective answers.

C has always been there for me, when I was in the hospital she came and visited me. When I broke my arm she was right there next to me. When I was down about something I knew she would be able to help me out.

C loves me for who I am. When I get sarcastic and short she understands how to bring me down a peg and tame me! She knows the things that I struggle with, just as I know what she struggles with. She helps me sort through my problems without belittling me or blaming me.

C knows all of my secrets and she doesn't ever tell them. I never feel afraid to confide in her because I know her lips are sealed. But if I told her something really major that could potentially turn into a big problem or hurt somebody, she would know that it had to be shared. She only wants whats best for me.

C will always be my best friend. Even when I go off to college a year before her. Even if we don't speak for years. Even if she lives halfway across the world. Even if, someday when we are old, life separates us. No matter what.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Year of "Lasts". A Year of "Firsts".

It will be a year of lasts and a year of firsts. 

Yesterday was my last Wednesday of Summer, today is my last Thursday. Time has really flown since June!

This Wednesday will be my last first day of school, from then on I will only be having first days of college will totally different seeing as I plan on living on campus. I've had 12 first days of school up to this point and I think I can remember pretty much each one with the exception of a few in Elementary school. When I first began Kindergarten I was TERRIFIED, everything was new, the people, the school, the teacher. I really don't like new things very much and I'm not really one for change so the transition was a bit rocky and I didn't really start to enjoy school until 2nd grade. After Kindergarten I don't remember my first day of 1st through 4th grade but I do remember the start of my fifth grade year rather well. I was going to be the oldest in the school so I was quit excited. I picked out a new shirt and skirt. I felt pretty impressive even though I could only have been about 4ft tall!

I remember every year after 5th grade but there are a few that stick out to me. 8th grade was my first year in the high school building and I got lost. In 10th grade I had a really hard time finding a place to sit at lunch and last year for the first time ever I wasn't nervous at all. I know I won't be nervous this year either, it'll be my 5th year in the same school. I'm incredibly used to it by now, there is not room that I can't place and no teacher that I can't picture. My last 1st day will most likely be very uneventful.

Besides my first day, there will be a lot more "lasts" this year, I'll attend my last homecoming and winter dance. I'll take my last exams, go on my last winter and spring break and participate in my last fire drill. I'm sad to leave a place that is so familiar and comfortable to me especially since I'll be leaving it for a whole new place that is neither of those things.

This year there will also be some "firsts". I'll get to sit in the senior section during assemblies, sign my self out of school if need be, I'll go to Prom (hopefully someone will ask me!), I'll get to go on a Senior project. I will walk across the stage and graduate in June.

It will be a year of lasts and a year of firsts.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Seize the Day

Today I can't stop smiling. Even though school starts in 8 days and I had a restless sleep and my hair is an absolute mess I know that today is a great day. The events of today are pure proof that God answers prayers. No matter what the weather is like today this is what I will imagine that I see out my window:

Because God is the sun in my sky and nothing can cloud Him over.

I'll bet your wondering what has gotten me so giddy...it's sort of a long story but I have a little time so I'll brief you. You see 2 years ago I met the most amazing family ever and in the past 2 years I have had the opportunity to get to know them and their kids very well. Today they had a baby girl! I have been praying for them throughout the whole pregnancy that the baby would be born healthy and full term and God has allowed both of those things to happen. I cannot wait to meet her! Cannot wait, cannot wait, cannot wait...

Monday, August 15, 2011

So Excited...

I just might burst. I just though I'd share that with you. I know I'll have sweet dreams tonight and good news to hear in the morning!

"All we like sheep have gone astray..."

Isn't it the truth? I wish...I wish that I had the natural ability to stop myself from making mistakes and being mean. But because of our sinful nature that is not going to happen. The truth is I really struggle sometimes with being kind to others, specifically my sisters. I usually know that what I am about to do/say will start a fight but I do it anyway. Because I just have to retaliate and I just have to get the last word in.

Recently I've been thinking of composing some sort of goals that I would like to achieve this school year (August to May) number one on that list will most certainly be: Be More Kind to Others. I think that everyone struggles with a specific sin and mine is probably anger. I get angry, I say mean things and regret it. I think I let too small of things get me mad, I get annoyed really easily and thus the annoyance usually leads to anger. I think if I just took a few seconds to just breath-take a few seconds to collect myself before acting out.

Once when I was little my younger sister was sitting next to me by the computer and she did something to get me angry, I can't even remember what it was. Anyway I just reached up and punched her in the mouth. Not hard but enough to startle her and make her cry. Immediately I felt terrible and I ran to my room and hid under my bed, I remember wishing so hard that I could turn back time and not have hurt. I replayed the scene in my head over and over out of pure guilt. That was the first and only time that I ever punched her.

But do I really want to have to learn from mistakes like that? Does it take punching my sister in the mouth to make myself be nicer to her? I don't want it to be like that, I want to recognize a potential problem that I may have and avoid it. I want to be able to zip my lips before anything hurtful comes out.

I've been praying about this for a long time but I think it's time that I do my part. And I will.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Say Cheese!

Yesterday I had a great time at my cousin's 1st birthday party! Lots of food and family and I managed to outrun a few bees. Today I am getting my senior pictures done. My mom spent about an hour straightening my hair last night and after sleeping on it it looks even better.

Now I'm trying to think about how I want to smile in these pictures. My normal smile is wide and reveals a lot of teeth. I like my natural smile a lot  but I don't know if it's sophisticated enough. It's weird that my picture will be preserved in the year book of my many classmates forever and when you put it that way I realize that I better take a good picture.

I picked my clothes carefully and I've studied my sisters senior yearbook for inspiration. I'd hate to be that girl who wore a tube top but in the picture it actually looks like she's nude. Or the guy who dresses too casually and ends up looking like he couldn't care less about anything at all. There are girls with way-too puffy hair and guys with longer hair then some girls! Some of the poses looks stiff and some look too loose. Some girls are way over tanned while some look like Casper the friendly ghost!
There really is a lot that could go wrong and something that may seem like a good idea at the time might not be after all. The thing about a senior picture is that no matter what you were like in high school you'll end up just a picture in a yearbook to most of you former classmates. And I want to be remembered nicely so the picture will be nice! I hope.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

We're Captive On a Carousal of Time

Time. It's inevitable, unavoidable and scary sometimes. We can't stop time, the world revolves around it our lives are measured by it. It's always "time" for something. Be it lunch or dinner or time for an oil change or to have a baby. I consider myself to be a fairly deep thinker and time is a subject that I contemplate quite often. Sometimes I hate time like when summer flies by and it's time for school again. Sometimes I love time like when April rolls around and its finally time for my birthday again.

But one thing I've noticed as I've gotten older is that the more you age the faster time goes by. I remember when an hour seemed to feel like days and a year was eternity. How the length of a Ruggrats episode was only 30 minutes but it felt like I was watching a movie. Ever since I've started high school the years have flown by. One year ago today my family and I were on vacation in California, now that does not seem like a year ago to me at all. Today, for example, my family and I are going to my cousins baby's 1st birthday party. I keep thinking, can she really be one already? No way! But it's true, a year ago she was a wrinkly little infant and now she's a little walking talking person. A year can change a lot.

Another thing about time is it's ability to mature and age you. I remember when I was little I would imagine being in high school and it seemed like a fantasy that would never quite come true. But here I am. I would set goals for myself, like by eighth grade I should no longer be scared to do things by myself (goal accomplished). But seriously it's like all your childhood you think that maybe you might just never grow up and then you do and it's this total letdown because being little is a million times better. I'm not saying that I hate being a teenager or anything, in fact I sort of love my life most of the time. I'm just saying that I'd take being young and carefree back any day.

And so leads me to another point, to an adult I might be considered young and carefree. To a 25, 40 or 70 year old being 17 is probably the epitome of youth. Adults tell me all the time to "enjoy being young" because these are the "best years of your life". But seriously? Are they really? Because I find that insanely hard to believe. I guess it's ironic that you yearn for your younger days but never quite cherish the period of time you are in now.

I guess the bummer of being 17 is that I don't know how everything will turn out. I would like to say that in 10 or so years I'll have a husband, the first 2 of my 4 kids and a stable nursing job. But I don't know that for sure. It's just a daydream at this point. Within 10 years there will be college and moving out and dating and working...who knows what it will all lead up to? I guess I'll just have to wait and find out. Only time will tell.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Why I Write

This past school year (Junior year) I took a creative writing class. Our very first assignment was to answer the question, why do you write? Surprisingly my answer did not come as quickly as i would have expected. I actually had a little trouble thinking of a good one sentence response. I finally came up with: I write because I can create characters that are really just other sides or me. Not too in depth but it is the truth, however it's not necessarily the only truth to why I write. Sure, I like the characters, I love the feeling of finishing a piece and the feedback is always nice. Bur the main reason I write is because it's the one thing I couldn't stop doing do even if I tried. It's my one real talent. I've played soccer, softball and floor hockey and I've danced ballet and took ice skating lessons for two years. I was good at a few of those things but not one of them am I still involved in today. I've been writing since I was 7 and I haven't stopped. That's 10 years of non stop writing. A decade.

The truth is I never get tired of that feeling I get when I start a new story. It's a feeling that I can't quite compare to any other. Maybe that of a child on Christmas or an Olympic gymnast about to do her floor routine (Though I've never been an Olympic gymnast). I'm hoping that I will continue to write my entire life, if God allows I would LOVE to publish a book or two. I don't have that many people that really like to take the time to read my work. My sister and my grandmother are good about wanting to read my newest piece but unfortunately my parents (who are awesome parents in all other respects) are never the ones to initiate wanting to read my writing and not being writers themselves they're not all that good at feedback.

Blogging is really fun for me because I can at least pretend that some one else is reading.  But seriously, is there anybody out there? Hello? Hello?

Friday, August 5, 2011

First Post Ever

I'm a little down in the dumps right now because I wrote this whole post out and then my laptop, Lars, decided to be stupid and randomly exit out of this page. Hopefully I'll be able to recreate the original post...we'll see.

I'm not going to start this blog by blabbing on about myself I'd rather explain myself through future posts. to be honest I'm not all that interesting. There have been a few interesting events in my life but I'm mostly your average teenage girl.

So I just finished watching the movie, The Outsiders. For those who don't know, it's based off of the book, The Outsiders by S.E Hinton.
Hands down the best book I've ever read. I'm sure most of you have felt like an outsider before and if you're in the minority that haven't. let me tell you it's not a good feeling. Anyway, the book has many themes, the bond of siblings, the bond of friends, fitting in, social class and violence. If you haven't read it then you're seriously missing out!

In other news school is starting in exactly 19 days-yikes! I still can't believe that this is going to be my last year of High School. The past 4 years have gone by insanely fast and I don't expect my senior year to go by any slower. Hopefully, in these next 9 months or so, I'll be able to take a few deep breaths and enjoy my last year. But between college visits, applications and social events I'm not sure that I will be able to truly appreciate the novelty of everything. Going off to college is both terrifying and thrilling to me at the same time. I have confidence that by August 2012 the terrifying part will have worn off.

I'll try to post daily.