Thursday, October 12, 2017

One Less Thing to Worry About.

The Indians lost to the Yankees last night and I'm pretty heartbroken.

At the same time, it is one less thing for me to stress about...

I'm sad that such an amazing team won't make it to the series like so many had assumed they would but they will always have that record breaking streak. It has really become too much for me to watch their games, I honestly can't take the nerves. Now that I don't have that hanging over my head through the beginning of November, I'm hoping I can focus even more energy on my grad school applications. It is a process but I am getting stuff done and slowly, it feel like a weight is lifted off of my chest. I will be ecstatic in a month or so when I'm actually completely and sending everything in. Once it is in somebody else's hands, I can relax! Even if I don't get in anywhere, this has been a great learning experience.

In other news, I went through the whole month of September without getting sick! That's only the second month in an entire year that I haven't been ill. I am hopeful that this means good things for my immune system in the upcoming winter.

I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but I'm rewatching LOST and it's been a great time. I forgot how enthralling that show is, all of the characters and the beautiful score by the genius Michael Giaccino. I'm currently half way through season 2, I had anticipated being done around Christmas time but we'll see how that goes. I might watch HIMYM again afterward, just a nice familiar show for the winter months :). Oh and in devastating news, Netflix decided to take Friday Night Lights off. Seriously? I had been planning on watching it again this summer and it was going to be awesome. I guess I'll just have to take my business to Amazon Prime!

Despite my life being very stressful right now, I am really looking forward to the upcoming months. This month has Halloween and a fun girls weekend with my sisters and I. Then come's M's birthday, my Dad's birthday and Thanksgiving, then the Christmas season begins! Oh and in January, M and I are going on a celebratory trip to Disneyworld for my graduation! It's really the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't wait.

Ok, so I do feel l like crying because of the Indians but time will dull the ache. And it is just a game, they'll play it again in April.

Friday, September 22, 2017

The Most Stressful Time of My Life?

I keep thinking that I'm in the thick of it but then I remember the year I was 7 and how paralyzing and awful my fear of being kidnapped was. Or when I was 11 and had to deal with an impending surgery and so much more. Or when I was 17 and SO STRESSED about my senior project working out. Or adjusting to life in the dorms....or switching schools twice.

My point is, it's easy to get caught up in the stress of right now and forget all of the past stress I'm on the other side of. It's easy to long for "the good 'ole days" and forget that no days were all good. Yes, I have a ton to do. Yes, it is stressful and scary to apply to grad schools and face the unknown. Yes, I worry not just about getting everything done, but about getting it all done right. But, this too shall pass. Come Christmas, all of this will be behind me and guess what? I'm betting I'll find something new to stress about. I have to try not to do that.

I'm excited for my future, I really am. I know I don't need to go to grad school right away and I might not even end up wanting to but what I'm striving to do right now is give myself options. I don't want to feel limited or stuck.

And hey, ambition is my boyfriend right now, let's not forget ;)

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Stalling

I have so much to do. Right now I'm trying to write my first short story for my fiction workshop. The professor has a lot of preferences and it's making the process difficult. I like the story but I'm having trouble rounding it out.

Not to mention two other papers and my portfolio and grad school stuff that I'm having second thoughts about.

Is it December yet?

The bright side, the air conditioning is broken in the library today so for once in my life, I am pleasantly warm. Also, my boys won their 21st game yesterday. How am I possibly going to handle the stress of tonight's potentially record breaking game??

Happy Thursday ya'll, may yours be filled with a lot more productivity than mine.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Twenty!

Guys, this is crazy awesome. I was watching the end of last nights game and just marveling at seeing history unfold. I know this team is special and now everyone will always remember them! I know I'll feel differently in November but no matter what happens in the series, we will always have this streak that will go down in the books!

Game 21 will be taking place while I'm in class and then at work. Part of me is glad that I won't be home to nervously watch but it somehow makes me more nervous too. I had a dream last night that we lost horribly. My dreams are known to be psychic BUT I also have "worst case scenario" dreams about things I'm nervous about all the time that never come to fruition. We will see.


Monday, September 11, 2017

16 Years Ago

Here's a repost of what I wrote 6 years ago, let's never forget: 

I was 7 years old. Sitting innocently in my 2nd grade classroom when the first tower was hit. The teachers did not want to scare us so they didn't tell us what was going on. Strange things happened that day though and it's amazing what a kid can pick up on. A lot of my classmates were getting taken out of school, one was pulled right from our line on our way to music class. The teachers held hushed conversations. I knew something was going on.

I just didn't know what.

When my sister and I got home my mom met us at the front door and we sat outside on the front steps. She told us a simplified version of what had happened that day. I did not understand, I don't even think I cared. It was like hearing about a story or movie where a bunch of people I didn't know died. I didn't get the magnitude of it, not for years did it hit me emotionally.

September 11th 2001 was the first major historical event that I lived through. It will be a memory that I will never forget. It's weird to think that the kids that weren't born or were babies at the time (like my little sister) never knew a world without the fear of terrorists or the war. I'm thankful that our country was somewhat peaceful for the first 7 years of my life.

For the past 5 school years in my history classes when the anniversary of the attacks comes around we watch a documentary or a TV special on the subject. When I watch these people talking about their loved ones that died or when I hear these phone conversations, actually recordings of people saying goodbye, it just gets to me. I can't imagine what was going through their minds when the realized that they had no chance, that they were going to die. The fear, the terror, the panic. I'm not brave or strong enough to even think about how I would handle that. I know that I would be praying madly and I know that the fact that I have God watching over me would help but I don't know...it's just so unimaginable.

When I think about those brave passengers that overpowered the terrorists, I'm overcome with pride for the citizens of our country. That we have people that are so willing to sacrifice themselves to save more lives. Their bravery will never be forgotten.

Lets remember, today and always. September 11th 2001

Friday, September 8, 2017

Go Tribe!

I'm an Indians fan, that may give some stuff away but I need to put it out there. GO TRIBE!

My team is currently on a 15 game winning steak, breaking their record from last year and setting a franchise record. I'm a very nervous fan, it's hard for me to watch the games when things get rough and I wanted them to beat their record SO BAD that this last week of games has been stressful for me. My mom kept calling me a "fair-weather fan" because I'll sometimes have to stop watching when we fall behind. It's not that I lose faith in the team, it's that I get sooooo anxious. It's akin to a parent not being able to watch their gymnast daughter compete. I just care too much.

Anyway, my family and I are going to the game tonight and I am praying that we can win this one too! Even if we don't, we still made history but come on, how awesome would it be to be in the stadium for win #16!

And of course, always looking ahead to that World Series which almost killed me last year.

Thursday, September 7, 2017

My Poor Neglected Blog

Confession: I love having this blog but I also hate it sometimes.

It's hard to make myself write here when I don't feel like it because I'm busy or too tired from writing for school. And then I feel guilty and it's just a big cycle.

But I won't give this space up. New plan is to try and write twice a week when I have a nice block of time at the library at school. I have so much to say and catch up on. Like my six year bloggiversary and how I was sick my entire first week of school and how E only lasted four days at college. Or, about how I left my job after five and a half years.

This year, I am realizing,  has been a year of changes. Many of them outward but I can feel myself changing too and honestly, it feels good to know that I can. A fellow blogger and member of my church family wrote the coolest novella when she turned thirty, explaining what each year of her twenties meant to her. I've decided to do the same and have been keeping track. So far I have...

20-The year I discovered my passion
21-The year that challenged me
22-The year I challenged myself
23-The year I realized I could change

I honestly can't wait (mot for the turning thirty part, I'd rather not go there yet) but for the tiem when I can look back and really reflect on what I think has been the most influential and self discovery filled time of my life.

Life right now is insanely busy, it is hard and scary. But it's chaotically wonderful and I love it.
Back soon :)